hola, isabel

I really did almost die last night. I woke up in the middle of the night with the second worst leg cramp I have ever had in my life. I tried to massage it out, but when I put my hands on my leg muscle it felt all jagged and tight. And it just hurt to bad to even touch. My first thought?? “I’m going to die, but first I need to just deal with this pain because that’s what I’ll have to do in labor. Deal!”. The pain didn’t let up. I tried sitting up and putting my legs off the side of the bed. That didn’t help. I tried to but it out, again. I finally just laid back down in a ball and waiting it out. Eventually I was able to rub it out a little. My muscle was still all hard and weird. That part freaked me out the most.

This morning when I got up, my leg was all shaky. I couldn’t put too much weight on it. I had a hard time not slipping when I climbed out of our claw foot tub. It is higher than a regular tub, so it is hard to get out of. I ended up hitting my ankle on it. It was loud and it hurt.

When I went back in the bedroom this morning to say goodbye to The King I told him about what had happened to me during the night. He sort of laughed and asked me how many times in my life I had thought I was going to die.

I remembered my previous leg cramp. I got it a few years back and it woke me right up from the dead of sleep. I cried and screamed out “I’m going to die!”. The King was The Hero and rubbed it out and assured me that I wasn’t going to die. I didn’t die and was fine by morning.

Then there was the time last Christmas when we were at my Aunt’s house sitting in her hot tub. When I got out and was rinsing off in the shower, my back did this scary spasmie thing and I ended up on the bottom on the shower naked and screaming out for The King to come in and save me. He rushed right in and tried to get me to calm down. The pain was so bad I was trying to not throw up. It subsided enough for me to get up out of the shower and put some clothes on. Then I laid on the floor in their front room until I could get up and get the heck out of there. I was really embarrassed for being such a baby. Still not too sure what had happened there. Something about my muscles relaxing in the hot tub combined with me trying to get my swimsuit off in the shower. No matter what the cause, the back hurt.

Then there was a recent episode in the bathroom where I also thought I was going to die. I was scared. I hurt. I couldn’t ask for help. But we aren’t going to talk about that one, are we? Just know that I didn’t die. And am fine now.

I am not really the type of person that exaggerates. And I feel like I can deal with pain. Maybe I just need a different catch phrase than “I’m going to die!”. Maybe something in the lines of “damn, that hurts”. Oh well, I’ll think of something.