God be with you, ’til we meet again
Posted by Isabel on August 14th, 2006. Filed under: They're just my family.I don’t pretend to know anything about death or dying. I’ve been fortunate in my life to have not lost anyone especially close to me. I feel very fortunate, but I know it won’t always be that way. Odds are that I’ll have people I love die. I’m not ready for this.
My Grandma sent me an e-mail on Saturday informing me that one of her nine sisters passed away this weekend. Aunt Alta is the third sister to go. The other two have all died in the past five years. Since my Grandma is the youngest, she knows that she will most likely be around to watch them all get old and pass away.
My Grandma and her sisters have always been especially close. They have all lived in the same state their entire lives and every year they make sure to get together multiple times. They are very supportive of each other and of each others kids. It is so much fun to see them when they get together. I won’t lie and tell you that I know which one is which. I don’t. But there are a few that I know more than others. In fact one of my Grandma’s sisters has become a pen pal to me over the last 6 years. I cherish each of her letters.
When I called my Grandma this morning to tell her how sorry I am for her loss, she told me that Aunt Alta was extra special to her. She was the one that would always offer her shoulder to cry on. My Grandma said Aunt Alta always made her feel so special, like they were the only two around. She left behind six amazing and smart children. All six earned college degrees, one of which is a president of a major University. Even though Aunt Alta and her husband were poor farmers, they taught their kids well. What a beautiful legacy.
I only have one sister, and talking to my Grandma reminds me how much I love her. And how much I would miss her if something were to happen. I told my Grandma that she has been lucky to have so much love in her life. Having all those sisters, I’m sure meant that much more love and fun growing up. But now it means that many more people she will lose.
I couldn’t handle that.
After talking to my Grandma for a bit I told her I needed to get back to work. She cut me off and asked me if I’d heard about the kids from her town that had died in the car accident this weekend. Being as she lives far away from me and in a very small town, I told her I hadn’t heard about it.
Apparently two teenage boys had been killed on Saturday while driving home from the local water park. My Grandma told me one of the boys was the 17 year old son of her nephew. She had heard about his death on Sunday and immediately went to her nephew’s house to console him and his family.
I told my Grandma that if anyone could help console the family, it was her. You see, she lost her own son when he was 17 years old to a farming accident. While my Grandma was telling me about visiting with her nephew and his family, I started to cry. I kept thinking about what a horrible weekend this had to have been for me Grandma. Losing her sister must have been hard enough, but having to also be reminded of losing her child must have pushed her over the edge.
I told her how strong and brave she was and then she said, “36 years ago today.” My eyes raced over to look at my desk calendar.
I had forgotten the day.
Today is exactly 36 years since my uncle died. 36 years and it still cuts my Grandma like a knife. Of course it does. It always will.
We talked for a few minutes more. I was trying to cover my tears so she wouldn’t notice. My Grandma doesn’t cry, but I could tell she was very upset. Her voice was shaking and she was talking very softly.
She asked me about Babboo and told me how much she loves and misses him. I tried to be upbeat as I told her how much he weighs now and that he’s still sleeping through the night. I think she was happy to hear something good.
I tried to not think about how much I love Babboo and how it would rip me apart if anything bad ever happened to him or The King.
I don’t pretend to know anything about death.
What I do hope is that I can be strong like my Grandma and have a legacy like my Aunt Alta.
August 14th, 2006 at 6:26 pm
It hurts so badly to lose someone you love so much. My Grandpa was in the hospital when he died unexpectedly and it makes me so angry that they couldn’t save him. It’s so hard to accept that things happen for a reason. I think we just tell ourselves that to help us feel better. My neighbor recently passed away and he was only 32 years old. I’m still having a hard time dealing with him being gone. When he died his Dad said, “God made a mistake this time.” How awful it must be for a parent to lose their child.
August 14th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
I, too, have never lost someone especially close to me. Whenever someone I know loses someone close to them, my heart breaks because I can’t imagine how painful it must be.
Your grandma sounds so awesome! I don’t know how grandmas can be so strong.
August 14th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
I’ve experienced more loss than I care to share here, but it’s that loss that really makes you appreciate when the times are good. Be thankful that you have such a wonderful husband and family (and extended family).
My heart goes out to your Grandma. She sounds likes a wonderful woman who has given a lot of herself to those she loves.
August 14th, 2006 at 7:16 pm
Your Grandma sounds like a truly amazing person. I can’t imagine going through some of the things she has gone through. Aunt Alta sounds like she lived a long, wonderful life and what a great thing that is.
August 14th, 2006 at 9:57 pm
Your Grandma does sound like a strong, loving person. I was starting to get teary-eyed while reading this post.
I can’t imagine losing a child or a sibling…
August 15th, 2006 at 5:15 am
I’m sorry for your loss. Even though we know that they are ok on the other side it still hurts to not have them here. i know.
August 15th, 2006 at 7:07 am
Isn’t it ironic how children open a new world of joy, but as I see people with grown kids…sometimes I think that kids open a whole new world of hurt too.
August 15th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
It is truly a nightmare, and one that too many people live through.
August 15th, 2006 at 1:28 pm
Wow, this is a hard post to comment on. I’m sorry for your grandma’s loss(es).
Regarding death in my own life, I lost my mother’s mother, who I used to be very close to, and a great grandmother on my father’s side, who I wasn’t close to at all but I loved very much, in the same year. My biggest fear today is that I will lose my parents too young. My mother is only 45 but she’s smoked like a chimney since she was a teenager. I’m afraid she’ll get sick. Her mother was a smoker and had numerous operations before she died at the age of 62. When I was a kid I thought that was “old,” now, I realize that had she taken better care of her health, she could have lived for another thirty years. Very scary.
August 15th, 2006 at 1:37 pm
My heart goes out to your grandma. This must be such a difficult time for her. She sounds like a wonderful person.
August 15th, 2006 at 2:00 pm
This was a truly touching blog, Isabel. Not to be all holy rollin’ – because I don’t know what your beliefs are and I would never try to force feed you my beliefs – but I take comfort in the fact that all of those we lose here and now we will see again in a place where there is no worry or death. Life is a beautiful journey that is often all too short. It is especially hard to lose someone you love – whether it’s suddenly or not so suddenly – either way the loss hurts. The life that your Aunt lived was a truly blessed life and she impacted so many people around her. Her spirit has moved on to a better place but her legacy lives on through you and your family. My Grandma lost her sister a year or so ago to a medical accident (can you imagine?) and that has been very hard for her. BUT she has had “signs” (we’re big believers in signs) that her sister is right there with her. The bond between sisters / family / loved ones is one that transcends place and time. That love is absolutely timeless. There is no other force like it in the universe. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your grandmother, and your entire family.
August 15th, 2006 at 3:35 pm
Your dear sweet Grandma is in my thoughts.
Ever since having a baby, mortality–my own and my loved ones’–has become much more real to me. It’s sobering and scary and, like you, I hope I find the strength to handle it when I have to.
August 15th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
Death is so frightening to me. I have never had anyone REALLY close to me pass away. I always wonder how people handle it. I can’t imagine getting to an age where EVERYONE you love starts passing away.
August 15th, 2006 at 4:35 pm
What an amazing woman (you AND your grandmother). Thanks for sharing such a difficult post. I became a widow at age 28 (7 years ago). It was the hardest thing of my life…but I cannot even (nor do I want to imagine) losing a child. I’m not sure I could keep going after that. How do you keep living when your heart has stopped beating?
August 15th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
The post. The comments. They’re all so sad.
Death is a very very very difficult thing. You never really get around the pain. All you can do is hope that you can get through it.
My biggest fear in the world is losing my sister… I don’t think I’d make it through.
August 15th, 2006 at 8:51 pm
How sad. I’m very sorry.
August 16th, 2006 at 1:57 am
BAH! Your posts keep making me cry.
But it was a beautiful, touching post on grieving this one.
I wish I didn’t know how tough it is to lose someone close to you. It is my firm belief that Heaven exists as you imagine it would. For me: a Parisian cafe where we gather to eat expensive soft cheeses on crusty baguettes, drink strong coffee, cold white wine, smoke cigarettes, and laughandlaughandlaugh.
I am surrounded by those that have gone before me and every second I am filled with love.
I wish that for Aunt Alta, your Uncle, and the young boy in the car accident.
I’ll put a call in to Hilary, Andi, DeeDah, and Aunt Eileen– there probably playing cards right now.
August 16th, 2006 at 1:48 pm
Oh sweetie. I’m sorry for you and your dear grandma. She’s very strong and a wonderful loving influence to all she meets. I’m sure she treasures your phone calls and all news of the Babbooinator.
As someone who has lost several amazing and close loved ones and role models, I can’t stress enough the importance of showing love and support to those who remain with us.
xoxo
August 17th, 2006 at 1:16 pm
Wonderful and thought provoking post.
June 8th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
[...] The next day my 17 year old uncle got into a farming accident and died shortly after. My surviving uncle never forgave himself for the cruel words he said the day before. [...]