This is what happens when you grow up and no longer live in the same house. Or even the same state as your younger brother.December 12th, 2006 @ 7:01 am
We draw names in my family for Christmas. We each get one person and the limit is $30.00. This year I drew my younger brother’s name and I really struggled with it.
What do you buy a 26 year old married guy who has a 1 year old little girl?
I’d love to buy him something that he would enjoy, but he enjoys his Xbox way too much and I can’t be a party to him spending more time enjoying it. So games for that are OUT. I’m not sure if he reads books, and if he does read, I wouldn’t even know what kind of books he likes. I don’t know what movies he likes and doesn’t already own. I’m not sure what kind of music he listens to, or even what TV shows he likes to watch. I don’t know what size of clothes he wears or if he even needs new clothes.
Plus I only have $30.00 to work with.
I called my younger sister, my Mom and even my Aunt looking for suggestions. I asked my male coworkers and even some of you for help. While everyone had awesome suggestions, none of them felt right for my baby brother.
I finally realized yesterday that I just don’t know my brother anymore. It made me sad to think that, but it’s true. My brother had been living in North Carolina for a year when I moved out to Seattle over 6 years ago. I didn’t see him for another year after I moved out here and by then The King and I were married and settled out here in the Pacific Northwest. I see him for an hour or so every trip I make out to see my family. He and his wife came out to Seattle for a few days almost 2 years ago. We talk on the phone a few times a month. That’s it.
But I just don’t know him.
I’ll probably never again get the chance to just hang out with him like we did when we were younger. We’ll never live in the same house and sit on the couch together watching “Star Trek” (his fave, not mine) or “Doctor Who” on PBS (again, his fave). We probably won’t get many chances to ride horses together, or take our 3-wheelers up in the canyon. And I’m pretty sure that I’ll never have to drive him to his Scouting activities.
It’s just weird to think about. To think that we grew up living under the same roof, being raised by the same parents, being a part of the same family. And yet, are almost complete strangers today.
What did I end up buying him for Christmas? A compilation CD and some fancy shave cream. (I had to call my Mom to ask if my brother even shaves with a razor. For all I know he could have a full beard.)
Even though I don’t know my brother, I still love him with the same intensity that I did when we were younger. I’d do anything for him and his little family and I’m excited for the next time I get to see him.
They're just my family
Rachel
said,
December 12, 2006 at 5:33 pm
My brother and I live in the same city, less than 10 minutes away from each other and we never see each other. We rarely talk on the phone either. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother, but we just have very different lives. I have a job, 2 kids and lots of things going on. He’s single and has no kids. We get along great and I know that if I need him for something, he will help me if he can, but it is kinda sad that we aren’t that close.
Frema
said,
December 12, 2006 at 6:25 pm
What a thoughtful post. It can be really hard to keep up with brothers and sisters. I have four of them and don’t talk to them as often as I’d like, but I do my best because I don’t want to lose my connection with them. Even if, in some instances, it’s not as strong as I’d like.
You are a great sister for going through so much trouble to get him a gift he’ll like.
shellynoir
said,
December 12, 2006 at 6:51 pm
Probably anything that keeps his daughter quiet would be greatly appreciated. Like a gigantic gerbil ball to put her in.
Jennifer
said,
December 12, 2006 at 7:12 pm
I miss my brothers. I love my one bro will call me randomly to ask my advice about buying furniture, what to do when his cat is sick, etc… but I hardly ever talk to my other brother. I love him just the same… he’s just not a phone person, and our lives are SO different. He’s a senior in college, and I’m a Crazy Cat Lady with a job and a house and all that.
DEATH TO THE XBOX. Joel has one and I HATE it. He doesn’t even play it much, but I still hate it. HATE. There is no bigger waste of time than video games… and this is from a TV lover. Last year, in an attempt to buy him what I knew he would really want, I got him an xbox game… and I regret it deeply!
Heather B.
said,
December 12, 2006 at 7:53 pm
I have three brothers and while we won’t get into why the oldest is a complete stranger, the middle one and I only recently spent time alone, just the two of us and it was awkward as I don’t know what. But as you said, it doesn’t mean I love one less than the other or anything, it’s just that I don’t know him. Though my younger brother and I get along wonderfully, now that we don’t live anywhere near each other and I can no longer steal his DVDs.
LaLa
said,
December 12, 2006 at 8:04 pm
Isabel, what a lovely post.
I am in a similar situation with one of my brothers, it makes me a little sad but the nice thing is we can pick up where we left off.
Still fighting over the karaoke microphone, playing endless games of Trivial Pursuit and watching the Muppets with my nephew, his son.
The nice thing about seeing my brother? I get to be an 8 year old again.
I am sure your brother will love what you got him, because it’s from you.
Sadie
said,
December 12, 2006 at 8:23 pm
I went to Amazon and listened to clips from that CD - it’s pretty good (and has broad appeal, in case you’re worried it’s not his style)!
Oddly, my experience with my brother is the exact opposite of yours - we were virtual strangers growing up (we were 6 years apart, which is too many, IMO, and never could relate to one another at all) and now that we are both in our 20s, we have become best friends. I feel so lucky to have gotten to know my brother, because he’s really a very cool person. I am sorry that geography prevents you from having the relationship you’d like with your own brother. But your gifts are thoughtful and I hope he likes them.
Carrisa
said,
December 12, 2006 at 8:31 pm
HAHAHA… you said “full bread”
I’m sorry you had such a hard time. He will appreciate the gits regardless. He’s your bubba. Plus anything related to Scrubs is AWESOME.
Carrisa
said,
December 12, 2006 at 8:31 pm
HAHAHA… and I said “gits”
damn we suck at typing.
alyndabear
said,
December 12, 2006 at 11:43 pm
You know - I think the people close to you are always the hardest to buy for, there are all these expectations that we should know, but really? That’s just impossible.
My parents have been married for nearly 25 years and without fail, my dad STILL doesn’t know what to buy for her every year at Christmastime.
And don’t even get me started shopping for my partner, Jase. He’s impossible.
Bah humbug!
Katie
said,
December 13, 2006 at 3:22 am
I think that in addition to the gifts you have already gotten him you should print this blog out and give it to him as well. It was sweet and it shows that you are interested in building an adult relationship with him. The memories from your childhood are cute - I think he’d get a kick out of it. He probably feels the same way that you do and I think it would mean a lot to him to read what you have written.
Jenny
said,
December 13, 2006 at 11:23 am
Wow. I can so relate to this post. My sister lives on a different coast than I do. It’s so hard to stay close when you’re so far apart.
angela
said,
December 13, 2006 at 8:43 pm
That’s so sad! I only live about an hour away from my brother and his wife and baby, and I’m so thankful that I get to see them fairly often because of that. I still don’t know him as well as I did when we were growing up and we’re not quite as close as we used to be, but I guess that’s just a natural progression that happens as you get older and start new and different lives. I hope you get plenty of time to catch up with him over the holidays!
Aimee
said,
December 13, 2006 at 9:02 pm
Wow, it looks like you’re in good company. I like how this post was written - I just happened to stumble over here from a link at alyndabear. My family is HUGE and when we were little, we saw each other ALL THE TIME. We lived in the same city and it worked back then. Now, we all live in the same city and half of them I wouldn’t know if I passed them on the streets….and their kids…NO CLUE how many they have or what thier names are. Kind of sad. But sometimes, it doesn’t feel that strange.
Lisa B
said,
December 14, 2006 at 1:30 am
Yeah, you probably never will drive him to his scout meetings ever again. (That part made me laugh. heehee!)
Not getting more games was a very good idea. I’m sure his wife will greatly appreciate that!
reesh
said,
December 14, 2006 at 6:08 am
I totally get that. I have 2 sisters, both younger. Kyla, whom I often talk of on the blog is the middle sister and she and I have been best friends, oh I don’t know, since she was born or something. We have just always gotton along so well. My youngest sister however, has always been, well, different. VERY DIFFERENT!! I don’t really know how 3 sisters growing up under the same roof could turn out so different in fact. Anyways, my youngest sister lives in the same town but we hardly ever see one another. The other day she just randomly stopped by and while we were talking, in my head I kept saying to myslef “I have another sister. This person talking to me in my SISTER. We are related!” It’s a strange thing I tell you and I totally dread drawing her name in the anual Christmas draw as well! I have NO IDEA what to to get her, EVER!!
Lindsey
said,
December 16, 2006 at 3:29 pm
My sister and I talk every so often, but she is a senior in college and has so much going on in her life. We see each other a few times a year, but a lot of times I feel like I barely know her. Or rather, I still know her as my kid sister and haven’t been able to get to know her truly for who she has become as a semi-adult. And this may be because I haven’t made the effort or maybe I am holding onto the past and I won’t let myself. I don’t know, but I do know I appreciated this post–very truthful and I could really relate.
hola, isabel »
said,
April 2, 2007 at 4:03 pm
[...] (I don’t really think there is such a thing as eye worms. But that would be karma for talking at great lengths last week about the times [yes, that’s plural] that my younger brother got worms and the rest of us kids had to take a little magic red pill in hopes that the rest of us wouldn’t get the worms. Worms that may or may not crawl out of your butt at night to graze. At least that’s the story we told my brother.) [...]