King Friday – now with bathroom talk
Posted by The King on January 12th, 2007. Filed under: The King.(ok. this may be a little gross for some of you out there. i know… you’re girls. but i also know that despite what you would have us guys believe, you are gross now and then too, so you can take it.)
the men’s bathroom is totally disgusting. you ask, “do you mean the men’s room at your office, or the one in the gym, or the one at the church, or the one at benihana?” and i answer, “yes.” they are all disgusting. totally, totally disgusting. in fact, i cant remember ever in my life being in one that wasn’t just vile.
(okay, i just thought about it. and i have to take that back. where i went to college the kids were unusually concerned about one another’s well being for the most part. and there was this one bathroom on the top floor of this one kinda less populated building that a bunch of my studio classes were in. it was clean enough. like probably as clean as the bathroom in our apartment. they had a cleaning crew that came in about every 3 hours and since nobody ever really used it anyway, it ended up being relatively clean.)
even if you step into a bathroom in a fancy place where there is an attendant and free cologne and real fabric towells for each ‘customer’, there is still errant pubic hair all over the rim of the urinal and generally speaking, piss all over the floor. if you have never been into a men’s room, its a real treat. boogers on the wall and pee splashes all over the dividers. i’d say it was safe to say that 90% of the time, the toilet is left unflushed, and 5% of the time its broken or stopped up with about 2 full rolls of toilet paper.
first of all, you should just poop at home. but if you absolutely positively will have an accident more serious than a medium sized skid mark if you dont go right this minute, then okay, go. but just because the toilet paper is free doesn’t mean you have to try to stuff all of what is available into the pot.
okay, you think you are too clean to use your hand to flush the urinal. i get it. but leaving it unflushed is pretty gross.
and here’s something that will always puzzle me. the most disgusting men’s rooms are where? what do you think? at a bar? nope. at a strip club? okay, pretty good guess, but no. they are at the rest stops on the freeway. and you know what? people go to those places to meet up and have romantic ‘experiences’, george michael style. judas priest! i cant think of anywhere that i would be less turned on than in a giant sewer with an electric hand dryer. i mean really.
so when i walked into the men’s room here at work and saw-smelled-heard someone grunting one out, i had to get this off my chest. thanks for listening.
-k
January 12th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Actually when they meet to do their ‘thang’ at the rest areas they meet and go ‘behind’ the rest area. Really. Usually there is a parkish, grassy, nice area around most rest areas, with trees and bushes and things to make the day people relax and let the stress of the long drive go and say “ahhhh”. But at night it turns into ‘anything goes land’. You walk back into the trees, end up grabbing the first thing that has a penis and going at it… then you emerge from the trees, go to your car and leave.
So really… the gross pee and pubic hairs on the toilets are from the ‘day time’ travellers. Not the meat packers.
January 12th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
How does Meritt know this? Interesting. As for the rest of the post…I’m nauseated now. Thank you. I’m just going to throw the rest of my breakfast away and vomit into my wastebasket.
January 12th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
I don’t think I have ever been in a men’s bathroom. Glad I haven’t. Sounds like going anywhere would be better than there.
Are you planning on calling a cleaning crew to come in every 3 hours or so when you move into your 4 bathroom house? Just saying, Isabel might appreciate it. Enjoy your bachelor weekend!
January 12th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Not at all surprising to me, although I can’t say I’ve ever been in a men’s room. Besides rest stops, you know where else the bathrooms are beyond disgusting? Movie theaters. I’m getting nauseous just thinking about it. The worst part about those is that you (I) can’t avoid using them. After 2 hours of sitting in a movie, I can’t NOT pee.
What I really don’t understand is why women can’t seem to avoid getting piss all over the seat and floor. I mean, I understand not wanting to sit on the nasty seat, but hasn’t anyone heard of “laying the nest”? Squatting? And for goodness sake, if the toilet is clogged up, DON’T USE IT. Just wait until another stall opens up!
January 12th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
The LADIES room at my office nears this level of grossness on a daily basis. There were once something that can only be described as poop shards on the wall. The employees must have foul bathroom habits, not helped by the fact that our “cleaning crew” is a fellow employees family members – so people aren’t too eager to complain. So gross! Phew – thanks – just needed to vent about that.
January 12th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Two comments on work place men’s rooms. I had the unfortunate luck to site relatively close to the men’s room at a previous job. So close that I could clearly hear the same dude, multiple times a day, go in a hawk the biggest loogies. It got to the point that when my co-workers and I would see him go in we’d flee our desks for a few min. And, while we’re being gross, it was rumored that another ex-employee used to clap his hands while he did his pooping. I swear I’m not making that up!
January 12th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Yeah, the “ladies” restroom at public places normally isn’t too much better. Some people, men and women, are just gross.
January 12th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
According to a friend’s brother who worked at Target and had to clean both restrooms, women’s restrooms are actually worse, due to the hovering phenomenon. I’m still not convinced, though, especially after this entry!
And my skin is crawling just thinking about the kind of interesting fungus you could probably obtain my doing the deed anywhere in a rest stop. YEEEEURRRRRRRRRRRRGH.
January 12th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Seriously? Who is “too clean” to use their hand to flush the urinal/toilet? That seems a bit contradictory to me. Sure, it’s probably not the cleanest thing to touch, but that’s why things like soap and running water are provided mere steps away, in the very same room! These are things that you should be using after using the bathroom anyway. And you can carry hand sanitizer with you if you want. Or grab a paper towel or some TP and use that protect your hands if you REALLY don’t want to touch the flusher. But please, for the love of god, FLUSH.
January 12th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
This only furthers my hatred for public restrooms. I think most public restrooms are disgusting and I try and only use them when it’s an emergency. Because at home, I know what goes on in there, but in a public restroom I have no idea what atrocities have taken place and frankly, I don’t want to imagine them either.
January 12th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
[ begin TMI ]
I like to poop at work. If I have to. I am the only female on my floor and the cleaning crew comes nightly. Now sometimes women from other floors use my bathroom, but not many. It has one stall and it has handicap bars on the side, but it’s not handicap high. I am only five feet tall and I can’t stand it when the toilets are tall because my legs dangle and I simply cannot use a toilet if my feet don’t touch the floor.
So what was my point? I dunno. But yeah… you men are gross. I hope I have a daughter so I don’t have to mess with all the boy pee everywhere. It’s enough nagging my husband not to miss.
[ end TMI ]
January 12th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
I live with four boys at my house, and I know the mess they can make. Why is it so hard to aim? It’s not like you guys aren’t always scratching and touching yourselves anyway. Holding it to aim right should just be natural!!
January 13th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
That is pretty nasty and although women’s bathrooms aren’t AS bad, I will say that time and time again I am shocked at how disgusting some women can be. I’ve seen unflushed toilets, blood, crap, pee all over the seats. It’s like, come on, we’re women. Let’s act like women here, you dirty biatches.
January 13th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Oh King, just wait until Sweet Babboo is a year or two older and starting the potty training thing, and you take him into a disgusting men’s restroom, because you both have to pee, where he sees pretty pink thing in the urinal and asks what it is, so you tell him it is a urinal cake. He doesn’t know what urinal is of course, but cake, well he loves cake, so the next thing you know his little hands are in the filthy urinal to get said cake, amongst the pee foam, and stray pubes.
January 14th, 2007 at 1:02 am
I would have to say that although I haven’t ever been in a men’s bathroom that I remember, the woman’s bathrooms tend to be just as bad. I have more than a few times thought to myself upon entering (or exiting) how gross women can be at times. Nasty, just nasty. And, I live with boys!
January 14th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
I can understand your point on the grossness of the bathrooms… My son has a serious “aiming” problem. And the result is that our bathrooms regularly smell like pee. And what’s so sad is that I can clean the toilets, sides of bathtubs, behind toilets, sides of vanities each day and it doesn’t seem to matter… Now, our bathrooms ALWAYS smell like pee. Ugh.
Just saw the previous post where Isabel talked about the snow day… Gosh your little man is growing so fast. SO beautiful too! And I hope she’s gotten to see her sister — the one that could have bagged on her because the hubby would be off of work at the same time… (I have a sister like that…)
January 15th, 2007 at 9:12 am
your comment that people should just poop at ome makes me think of a hilarious story a friend told me about when he was 9 and he was halfway up macchu picchu and he realized he had to go 2. the desperation in the story, as he had to beg the guy to let him use the pot because he was only nine and had no money to pay and his mom refused to descend so that he could go, his desperation only matched by the utter vile 95 degree humid stank of where he had to go.
he said after that he could use any public toilet.
i agree, travel and ye will learn how to do everything while touching virtually nothing.