The growth has left the building – or – my brush with a colonoscopy
Posted by Isabel on February 8th, 2007. Filed under: I Rock, The King.I made it to the hospital yesterday just in time to see them The King being wheeled in his hospital bed to the recovery unit. The side of his face was swollen and he looked like he was dead. It made my heart ache to see him looking that way, all vulnerable and puffy. I asked him how it went and he told me he had a “bagel reaction” when they gave him his IV. And now he wanted some cream cheese.
It’s actually called a vagal reaction and it means that needles make you sick. It does not come with cream cheese and a hot tea.
After getting him to sit down and relax a bit, they got his IV in. Next thing he remembers, he was coming to and was in some pretty “intense pain”. When the recovery nurse asked him to rate his pain; “10 being the worst pain imaginable and 1 being no pain” he said; “It’s a 6.5!!”
A 6.5, people! For the removal of a little growth on the inside of his lip.
I don’t think I got above a 4 during labor. A FOUR!!! When I’m told that 10 is “the worst pain imaginable”, I can imagine some pretty horrible pain. Maybe half of my head being cut off. Or my ear being severed. Or biting off my own pinky finger. Dude, that would hurt.
I thought I would take a quick bus to the hospital, pick up The King, drive him home and get back to work. All on my lunch break. Of course it didn’t happen like that and I ended up spending almost 2 hours at the hospital waiting for him to get dressed and remember where he put his iPod and wallet. I also had to get his pain medication prescription filled. And then get him settled on the couch with the remotes and a bowl to throw up in. I couldn’t make him an ice pack since our ice trays were empty.
(Yeah, thanks to whoever used the ice last and didn’t refill the trays. I know it wasn’t me, as I hate ice. It must have been the cat. Yeah, I’m blaming the cat.)
The King just kept saying, “I didn’t know it was going to be this bad!” and “I can’t get up without having to vomit.” Yeah, being put under will do that to a person. I could have told him that, as I’ve had multiple medical procedures over the last 2 years.
Have I ever told you about the time I had to have a colonoscopy?
A simple search of this site tells me that I haven’t. That’s probably a good thing as Emily Post says a lady never talks about anything having to do with her colon. I love how wikipedia says that a colonoscopy is “minimally invasive“. Because is anything that enters in through your anus really “minimally invasive”? I think not.
A few years ago I was having, let’s call them, issues. Issues which lead me to pulling my pants down in front of my doctor. Which then lead to me pulling my pants down in front of a doctor that specializes in areas of the rectum. Which then lead to said doctor performing the awfulness that is called a colonoscopy.
This is something that a lovely 30 year old woman does not like to have done. Have you ever had one done? They are not fun. The actual procedure wasn’t so bad, as I was completely out of it for. It was the prep that was horrible. I couldn’t eat any solids for 24 hours, and then I had to take some medicine that would make me pass any type of food item that I may have eaten in my entire life. Since I’m so mature, I laughed during all of that. I mean, how can you not laugh?
7 polyps were removed from my body. 7 polyps are way too many for anybody, let alone a 30 year old woman. The polyps were not cancerous, but still, 7 is a very high number. The doctor was concerned. He suggested I come back in for another colonoscopy in 6 months. Yeah, cause that’s something I want to be doing every 6 months for the rest of my life.
I got pregnant soon after. The doctor advised I want until the baby was born to have another colonoscopy. After Babboo was born I called to schedule one. They told me that since I’m breastfeeding I can’t take the medication needed to prepare for the colonoscopy.
I’m still breastfeeding, so it hasn’t happened yet. It’s been so long since the first one that I’m afraid to do it again. What if the second time is worse? What if they find more polyps? What if you guys all make fun of me for admitting to this?
Anyway, The King is back to work today. With half a swollen face and stitches sticking out of his mouth. He’s feeling so much better. Phew.
February 8th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I understand about not wanting to go back… they found something on a pap when I was pregnant with jai that they said could be cancer. I had to wait until after I had him to have a biopsy.. but I won’t go get it done. I’m too freaked out!
glad The King is feeling better. No surgery is minor surgery when it is happening to you!
February 8th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
BOYS! They kill me. They think whatever pain they have is the WORST PAIN EVER. My brother once said, “I think a hangnail is the worst pain you could ever have.”
Are you freaking kidding me?
February 8th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Holy moly! Poor King and poor, poor you.
I’m terrified of ever having to have a colonoscopy. Terrified! Everyone I know who has had one done said the same thing you did. The the procedure itself isn’t “that bad” but everything you have to do in the days before the procedure? Well, that sucks. So, how long are you planning on breastfeeding?
February 8th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
I hate these sorts of things in life. When I had appendicitis, this hot doctor had to stick his finger in my butt. Awful, just awful!!
February 8th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Polyps…get ‘em out, sistah. I’ll send you a care package if you do it.
Sorry about the King. I’m glad you survived his survival.
February 8th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Your story of The King’s surgery reminds me of when Shaun got his wisdom teeth out. He was super pale, swollen jaws, and puking a lot… Still makes me sad to think about it. I had to keep a throw up pan next to him and changed his gauze (Spelling?) every few hours. I even got “sick” for a few days, and couldn’t go into work, so I just stayed home and took care of him.
I’d be absolutely horrified to get a colonoscopy… You are probably the bravest person I’ve ever known, because I really don’t know if I could ever do it. Wow! I commend you!
February 8th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Glad to hear I”m not the only one with a visceral fear of needles. I get so nervous when I need to have blood drawn. They always make me feel like a big baby, but from now on I’m pulling out words like Vaso-Vagal Trypanophobia and see what they think of THAT.
Glad the King’s home and it’s all over. I will never make fun of you or anyone else for having a weird medical problems… Last year I had to have a sweet exam to determine if my coccyx was broken. They had to check it from both sides, if you know what I mean. It was like a gyno exam and a colonoscopy in one. Good times.
February 8th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
So how much longer will you be breastfeeding? At the risk of sounding like an annoying mom, you better get the next colonoscopy soon!
February 8th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
I would like to name your 7 polyps… let’s see…
Bashful, Sneezy, Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy, and Doc.
February 8th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
I heart the names of the polyps.
Just before I got pregnant with Noah, they found an eeeeety-biiiiiiity lump in my left breast. When they went to biopsy it, they couldn’t reach it/it was too small. They mashed me in every way known to mammogram technology, which is about as fun as the colonoscopy sounds.
I too am supposed to follow up when I’m done breastfeeding. But I love nursing, and I am in no hurry at all to be done.
So what are we going to do?
February 8th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Yikes. Just, yikes.
February 8th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
Because is anything that enters in through your anus really “minimally invasive”?
I think this should be your new tagline. If not, I’m stealing it.
Also, to echo Kelly’s mommerisms, take care of yourself and get your check-ups. The Internet (and probably The King and Babboo) want you around for a long, long time.
February 8th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
Holy Health Issues Batman!
I hope the King is doing better today. And you! Definitely get a check up when you can (though my chicken self might breastfeed forever…) How nerve wracking for you.
I’m also with Frema, what an awesome tagline!!
February 8th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Men can be such big babies. Last summer my hubby was working on an addition on our home and was using a hand saw. Well, he forgot to move his hand and sawed right through the top of his thumb and fingernail. My Dad took him down to the instacare to get some stitches and I rode down a few mintues later. The poor baby was sitting right above a central air duct, with a barf bowl, soaked with sweat, and white as a ghost. All of that drama for five stitches!
February 9th, 2007 at 12:19 am
Totally off topic, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE LOGAN SITE? I LOVE LOGAN ECHOLS WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. I’ve even had, erm, special dreams involving him. Hey, you shared about polyps.
February 9th, 2007 at 2:28 am
Wow. My dad had a colonoscopy, but you know, I didn’t really ask for details as to how it went, so I found your little narrative quite interesting.
And um YEAH, that does not qualify as “minimally invasive.” At all.
February 9th, 2007 at 3:33 am
I would dread that too…
Funny thing… They had me do a colonoscopy while nursing. They claimed the drugs/prep wouldn’t pass through to the milk, but had me pump and dump for a day anyway.
February 9th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Men are such babies when it comes to pain. Whenever my husband is sick, his whole world stops and he gets to stay in bed and have the bathroom all to himself. Me, however? I just have to feel like crap while making dinner for everyone and continuing to not get any sleep. But, Isabel, I am proud of you for getting the colonoscopy and I hope that you will get the next one soon. And we, the Internet, will be here to share all the fun details!
February 9th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
So maybe I should just email you, but, how do you know it’s a polyp and not just an internal hemorrhoid?
February 9th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
I have not had a colonoscopy, but my mom did when I was in high school. Watching her have to drink that gallon of gross stuff does not make me look forward to ever having to have one. Plus the whole doctors putting something in your butt aspect. But anyway, good for you for doing it!
February 9th, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Oh no! I can’t let my husband read this entry. His dad has chrone’s disease and they want to test my husband for it–colonoscopy time! I keep telling him it won’t be that bad–apparently I am a horrible lying wife. But you have to have these things taken care of, so we expect a full (ummm…maybe not entirely full) report of your next appointment after you stop breastfeeding.
Also, I canNOT believe that there is another commenter who has had her coccyx checked “both ways.” In addition, I also had 3 surgeries on my tailbone, including one in high school. I was out of school for a week and for some reason the teachers thought I was having my wisdom teeth removed. When I came back everyone was really confused about why I couldn’t sit in my chair during class and that made for a lot of awkward explaining…”yes, i had surgery on my butt.”
February 9th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
I had the same reaction (vagal) to needles when I have IVs started. I feel The King’s pain. THe rest, he is a wuss. HA! Just kidding. xoxoxo!
Sarah above – I have crohn’s disease. email me if you want more information.
I had a colonoscopy – yes, the prep is the worst. I say GO BACK AND GET IT DONE AGAIN ALREADY – Colon cancer is nothing to mess with. Do it in honor of my best friend who is fighting metastisized colon cancer right now. Do it for Baboo. Do it for YOU.
February 12th, 2007 at 12:25 am
Ahhhggg. So sorry for the King. Hope he’s feeling better now. And so sorry for you… Just the word, “Colonoscopy” makes me involuntarily clench my buttcheeks.
February 12th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Ugh, so sorry. My mom has to get colonscopies regularly and I’m already dreading my routine check in 20 years. The peace of mind will make it worth it. Although I can see me forcing Cricket to nurse another 3 years so I could keep putting it off. NOT that I’m encouraging you to put it off!
February 20th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Dude! When I was in labor, they asked me to rate my pain, with 10 being “sawing off a limb without anesthesia.” I kept saying, “.5,” because no matter how badly it hurt, I couldn’t imagine it was even on the same scale as “sawing off a limb without anesthesia.”
May 5th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
You should really check out virtual colonoscopy. Still have to prep, but it’s a non-invasive x-ray type test. You can drive yourself to/from and resume normal activities immediately afterward rather than being doped.
August 7th, 2007 at 2:12 am
[...] Because, yes, that’s how I’m spending today. And I’m not too excited about the whole thing. Of course I trust my doctor when he says I need to do this. But still, I’ve done it before and it ain’t pretty. So while you’ll all be just hanging out today minding your own business, maybe at work, maybe at home, maybe even on vacation, I’ll be completely knocked out while someone tries to extract stuff from my bummy. [...]
November 12th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
[...] I’ve come to realize something. Even though I’ve done it in the past… [...]