Why do I feel the need to justify things? And also, Happy Valentines Day, yoFebruary 14th, 2007 @ 7:01 am
I was walking out of work yesterday, trying to get my new iPod all set up for the walk to Babboo’s school when a coworker jumped in the elevator with me. I don’t know this man. He’s one of the 500 fellow employees of my huge firm. I have seen him before. Mostly I see him outside our building lighting up his cigarette, several times a day.
Yesterday he decided to strike up a conversation with me. He asked me if I was planning on getting the new iPhone. I just laughed and told him I’m so far behind the times that I only recently got my first iPod. He asked me how much my new iPod set me back. I told him they aren’t cheap.
He told me his wife stays home with their kids while he works to support them. Therefore he didn’t think he’d ever be able to afford an iPod.
This guy saw me pregnant. He knows I have a baby. He knows I’m a working mom.
I instantly felt the need to justify my iPod. I told him that I got a referral bonus for getting someone hired at our company. I told him I used that money to buy myself the iPod and that under any other circumstances I wouldn’t have splurged on myself like that.
I knew I was trying to justify it. I felt horrible doing it. What I really wanted to say was, how much do those cigarettes you’re smoking set you back? I wanted to tell him that if he quit smoking he could buy his own iPod in a month or so.
But I didn’t.
Instead I just stood there with my expensive iPod in my hands and felt like a selfish woman. A woman who spends her money on worthless things like diamonds, furs and fast cars while a stranger raises her baby.
I don’t care that this guy smokes. That his prerogative. That wasn’t the point. The point was that while he was making me feel bad for the money I spent on myself, he is doing the same thing with his cigarettes.
And that isn’t fair.
I talked to The King about it this morning and about how it made me feel horrible. He told me I should have told the guy to shove it in his cornhole. Which sounds good in retrospect, but probably wouldn’t have gone over so well in the company elevator.
Actually The King me that I shouldn’t have felt this way. And he’s right, I shouldn’t. This guy doesn’t know what our situation is. He doesn’t know that we’re building a house for our family. That we’re building it ourselves because the housing market in Seattle is such that we wouldn’t be able to afford one any other way. He doesn’t know that we only own one car in an attempt to save money. He doesn’t know that we donate a hefty amount of money to charity with each paycheck.
He doesn’t know.
See look, I’m justifying it again. But this time to the internet.
I’ll shut up now and show you pictures in honor of Valentines Day. Hooray!
I walk by a store everyday on my way home. Their latest window makes me think of Frema and her love of all things Post-It notey. I finally took a picture of it yesterday. You can’t see it, but the small purple note says, All You Need is Love on it. It really is a beautiful window and totally appropriate for Valentines Day, yo.
Babboo also wanted to send you his love. His very tiny, yet snuggly love. Since he can’t type yet, he asked me to help him make a sign to share with the internet. Who could say “no” to this face? Not me.
What did The King get me for Valentines Day, you ask? He had been talking it up as the best gift ever.
While it didn’t cost him more than $5.00, it is pretty thoughtful. Especially since I had lost the original one a few months ago.
Thanks baby, Happy Valentines Day. I hope you like the socks I got you.
Me · My Sweet Babboo · The King · The New House · Work
CPA Mom
said,
February 14, 2007 at 6:49 pm
Beautiful gift, you know I’m j-e-a-l-o-u-s. Beautiful baby.
I think at some point, we all feel the need to justify something. Because there are so many judgmental people out there ready to JUMP us. It’s normal.
Rachel
said,
February 14, 2007 at 7:16 pm
The King is right, you do not ever have to justify yourself to anyone. Ever. It’s YOUR money you can spend it how you see fit!
Love the pic of Babboo and his little sign; I couldn’t say no to that face.
How sweet of The King to get you another key chain! It’s always the thought behind a gift that is the most important and I’d say that was very thoughtful! You’re a lucky woman, but I think you know that!
-R-
said,
February 14, 2007 at 7:25 pm
That window is really cool looking!
I am sorry that guy made you feel bad. You are definitely right in that he doesn’t know what your life is like, and it’s none of his business what you spend your money on! I would have been pissed off too.
Britt
said,
February 14, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Dude! Cody will be so jealous that the king got socks for V-day. Cody loves new socks.
BTW, you deserve that iPod.
amieable
said,
February 14, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Babboo is so beautiful.
Happy V-day lady! Don’t give that icky man a second thought - we all make choices that are best for our family. Does he know that you walk everywhere to save money and save the environment and so you NEED that ipod for your walks?
mad mom
said,
February 14, 2007 at 8:24 pm
I just bought my first ipod this past weekend and they are expensive. but we dont make a habit of buying expensive things all the time. whats wrong with spending on ourselves once in a while? i hate when people do that. my mother in law does that a lot. makes me crazy!
Happy ? Day to you guys
janet
said,
February 14, 2007 at 10:04 pm
I’m with the King…the only thing you owe that guy is a shoe up his cornhole!
Also, Babboo’s hair! It’s perfect. Don’t cut it!
anna
said,
February 14, 2007 at 10:06 pm
You’re right that it’s awfully hard not to feel like you have to rationalize your spending patterns to some people. As a single income family, I felt the need to explain away when we purchased something fun but not necessary. Then I realized that the people questioning us didn’t really deserve an explanation if they didn’t know us well enough to know that we had saved and budgeted, then decided the kids could do without green vegetables for a few months.
Wow, that was one heck of a run on sentence.
Yay for replaced keyless entry. Even though he didn’t take my idea, the King did good. Happy Valentine’s day!
Stephanie
said,
February 14, 2007 at 10:40 pm
Girl, don’t feel bad. You don’t have to justify anything to anyone. Everyone deserves to treat themselves every now and again. That was your bonus and you should spend it how you see fit…I probably would have bought shoes!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Lizzy
said,
February 14, 2007 at 11:12 pm
you don’t owe anyone anything.
and i’m sure that he was just being nice and making conversation–that there was no malicious intent. sometimes people just say things.
LOVE the storefront window. i HEART post-its too. no pun intended, but it was a good one, eh?
and THE EYELASHES on that sweet, sweet boy? wow! i know women who would KILL for those!
SJ
said,
February 15, 2007 at 12:17 am
No need to justify - you are a hard working mom, and a hard working professional. You deserve it, period. End of story.
Happy Valentines Day!
Dirka
said,
February 15, 2007 at 1:56 am
I’m sorry to approach you in comments, but I couldn’t find your email address! I read your blog every day and I am hoping that you might be able to help me out. You have the ability to reach a LOT of people, and I want to get the word out about breast cancer. I’m walking in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Washington DC on May 5 & 6. I’ll be walking a marathon and a half (39.3 MILES)!! I’m hoping that you would be willing to take one day and post about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. If you would be willing to do this, could you link to my personal walk page? The address is http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR?px=3207297&pg=personal&fr_id=1270&s_tafId=197963
I need to raise $1800 and I know that with your help, that is MORE than possible. Please help me! Thanks for your time. I have linked to my page with an Avon button on my blog http://www.deidrak.typepad.com
Thank you!!
Molly
said,
February 15, 2007 at 2:07 am
Don’t sweat that guy Isabel. It all depends on where we all are at any given time in our lives, how we feel about things. You’re totally right - your iPod are his smokes. I wonder if his wife smokes too? Then you might wonder if those kids might be better off at smoke-free daycare.
I’m on the flip side of the coin. I’m a SAHM with a working husband and I STILL received an iPod today. (BOO-YAAAA!) This made possible by Kevin, who actually did quit smoking more than four years ago.
;O)
Dirka
said,
February 15, 2007 at 2:42 am
Molly’s post at lostasock.com was about an ipod today too… Coincidence? I think not!
Jennifer
said,
February 15, 2007 at 3:27 am
I’m sure that guy didn’t mean anything by it… but I probably would have have done the exact same things. I always feel the need to justify things… even to myself.
frannie
said,
February 15, 2007 at 3:29 am
you rock, so you totally deserve an ipod that rocks. and it isn’t any of his or any else’s business!
Art Nerd
said,
February 15, 2007 at 4:07 am
It’s hard to not try defending one’s choices, and it’s hard not to judge the choices others make. We all have our something (she says, as she types on her brand-new, not really needed but certainly appreciated macbook!).
Love the post-it window. Stickies is actually one of my favorite programs in MacOS!
LaLa
said,
February 15, 2007 at 8:54 am
I think I would have told him to get knotted…. I adore that window, it’s so nice to see The Beatles music live on in our world.
Happy Valentines Day Isabel.
Frema
said,
February 15, 2007 at 2:02 pm
First of all, that Post-It display is awesome. Thanks for thinking of me!
Second of all, you guys are doing incredible things for your family, the same way that guy feels he’s doing what’s right for his. When it comes to parenting absolutes, there are only two: keeping them safe and making sure they feel loved. How everyone choosed to accomplish that is up to them, and nobody else’s business.
(Look at me, talking like I have any clue about how to parent a kid!)
Lindsey
said,
February 16, 2007 at 1:29 am
Your sweet babboo has gorgeous eyelashes!
Christar
said,
February 16, 2007 at 4:09 am
Don’t feel guilty for the iPod. You totally deserved it and it’s absolutely fine to get yourself something!
Babboo is so adorable, and I love that The King got you a thoughtful gift. Those are the best.
angela
said,
February 16, 2007 at 4:10 am
I feel the same way about having to justify my decisions to people. People who I know don’t care. And if I don’t end up justifying myself, then I think it in my head for a while. And then I feel the need to tell someone else about it, just to make me feel better. That is insecurity at its finest.
Also, tell Babboo that he has great penmanship. Especially for his age.