Four is less then seven. It’s simple math.
Posted by Isabel on August 7th, 2007. Filed under: I Rock, The King.Be assured, yesterday’s talk of how you heard about the birds and the bees was about a zillion times better then hearing more about how I spent yesterday.
Yowza!
Today I’m back at work and probably about 6 pounds lighter. That’s what happens when you are forced to fast for 24 hours and then forced to drink 64 ounces of a horribly, massively disgusting liquid that tastes like a mix between Trix and ass grease that will force anything you’ve ever eaten out of your stomach.
Oh dear lord. The drink was horrible. So horrible that the smell of it would cause me to vomit. And 64 ounces is a lot of ounces, in case you’re keeping track. I managed to drink the first batch of 32 ounces with The King cheering me on. It only took 90 minutes and a little bit of projectile vomiting. The second batch of 32 ounces wasn’t as easy. (Ha, the first batch wasn’t easy.) I only made it through half of it before passing out from nerves. I woke up at 4 am and tried to finish it off.
I’ll be damned if I were denied at the hospital because I didn’t drink all of it.
The procedure went fine. I was the youngest person there by a good 20 years. I kid you not. I was prepped in a room with about 3 senior citizens who were recovering. Nothing like trying to calm yourself down while old men are snoring and farting on either side of you.
(I think one of the old guys sneaked a peek of my neekid boobies while I got undresses.)
So how many polyps did they find this time? Four. Yes, four polyps were removed from my bummy. While four may seem like a high number for a 32 year old female, it is a much smaller number then the seven they removed at my last colonoscopy.
The doctor assured me that not of them are cancerous. But he also told me to expect to do more routine colonoscopies. I asked if the prep could be given intravenously. Because, let’s be honest, I can’t drink that shiz again. I was told that it can’t be taken intravenously. Although their is an alternative prep that does not require the drink. It only requires taking 32 pills.
Dude, I’ll gladly take the pills next time.
I spent the rest of yesterday sleeping on the couch. I woke up in the evening after The King and Babboo returned home. I turned on the TV and only a black screen appeared.
Great. Now the TV isn’t working.
After about a minute of the black screen, a shot of a breast appeared for a split second. The King got excited and said, “what was that?”
“Oh, nothing. The TV is acting up.”
And then it flashed again. Only this time it was two naked girls and one dude. And they were getting it on.
“Is that p*rn??!! How did that come up? What channel are you on?!”
“It’s just stuck on this channel, I think. I’m turning this crap off!”
And that’s what I did. I shut the TV off. Looking at naked people was about the last thing I wanted to do last night.
This morning The King walked into the kitchen and said, “tell me exactly what you were doing when the free p*rn started on the TV last night. Exactly. Step by step.”
——————-
Head over to my other blog to see what I did last Saturday. Don’t worry, there is no talk of my bum or ass grease.
August 7th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Ugh. I have colon cancer in my family, so I’m sure to experience regular “procedures” myself. And I don’t blame you, I’d much rather take a schmillion pills than drink something nasty.
August 7th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
I don’t know if you watched it or not, but this reminds me of that episode of Friends where Joey and Chandler won’t turn off the TV because of the free porn. (Yes, my brain has been filled with useless knowledge of Friends episodes.)
Isabel: Of course I remember that Friends episode. And every time this happens to us I feel like I shouldn’t turn the TV off for fear that I’ll miss out on free porn. As if I’m interested in free porn. I guess I’m only thinking about Joel and Chandler.
August 7th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
I have witnessed my mom chugging jugs of that nasty pre-colonoscopy drink. Ugh. Good for you for doing it, and I’m glad there wasn’t anything cancerous.
I had a kidney stone when I was 19 and had to go to the urologist. The receptionist asked me if I was there to pick up my grandparent. You should have seen her face when I told her I was a patient. It was kind of worth the trip just for that.
August 7th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Love that episode of Friends! Free porn!
I am glad the procedure went well and they only found 4 this time and yaaay for non-cancerous!
August 7th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Oh. I should not have read your post while eating lunch. From now on, I am going to always associate gooey, delicious lasagna with “a mix between Trix and ass grease.”
Glad it went well, though.
August 7th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
I’m so glad your ass is fine.
And hey, sometimes Pr*n can be educational. Or scary. Or completely perplexing as to how the hell do they bend like that?
I obviously watch too much trash TV because my advice would be to tell The King that those hot hot women? Totally faking it.
August 7th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Oh I was also going to mention the free porn from Friends. Gotta love it.
I’m sorry your bummy bum had to be invaded like China. Not cool.
And 32 pills seems like a cakewalk compared to 64 ounces. Hopefully they aren’t giant nasty pills. And hopefully next time they will find NO polyps.
August 7th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
FREE PORN?!
The Mistah also wants to know–step-by-step–EXACTLY what you did to arrive there.
Four is fewer than seven for sure, but none is even better for your bum.
Do you feel totally violated?
I vote for 32 pills. Totally. You can have a faux rockstar moment taking 32 pills.
August 7th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Oh man, that sounds like it was horrible!! I’m sorry! I feel so bad for you.
I was having a lot of stomach problems a few years ago, and while the doctors were trying to find out what was wrong with me, I had to do a bunch of tests. One, which I had to drink this NASTY chalky white stuff. It was horrible. I was supposed to drink 32 ounces I believe, which was in two 16 ounce bottles. I got through one after 2 hours, but I could not get more than half way through the 2nd one. I came so close to puking so many times. It was terrible! But I can honestly say, your experience sounds worse. I hope you feel better now!
August 7th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
man, i didn’t know you could do 32 pills. this must be a pretty new development in the area of cleaning out one’s system.
have you ever seen a colonoscopy when someone isn’t clean?
dude! it isn’t pretty!
August 7th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
Your ordeal with the TV totally reminds me (and a few others I see) of that Friends episode with “Free porn!” Hahahaha. Seriously, how’d you do it?
Glad to her that you bum is in good shape. I’d take the pills over drinking that nasty sounding stuff anyday!
August 7th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Your poor bum. My heart goes out to your poor bum.
And off the subject,
YOU’RE 32? DAMN ISABEL, you hot.
August 8th, 2007 at 1:39 am
I’m glad it was all clear. But the prcedure sux.
U r one strong woman!
August 8th, 2007 at 2:17 am
I was totally thinking of the Friends episode too. And the time that my friend thought I should swap my living room and bedroom TVs. And I screamed “NO!” just as he was about to unplug the bedroom one. I wouldn’t let him touch it because I was getting free “Skinemax” on it and didn’t want him to mess that up!
I’m so proud of you for going back for your regular screenings…even though they suck! You rock!
August 8th, 2007 at 2:29 am
Glad it’s over. Hubby had a colonoscopy earlier this year, and will have to have one every few years from here on out. And, the pills sound MUCH better than that crappy beverage.
August 8th, 2007 at 2:50 am
Glad to hear it all went okay; and yes, I too thought of the Friends episode: “What’s that tune I’m humming?” “It’s the theme from ‘Good Will Humping’.”
August 8th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
My DH had the procedure for the first time the same day as our first date. It makes a great story.
For my procedure I took Fleet Phospho-Soda which was totally doable in the afternoon before and morning of the procedure. I had to drink 8oz increments every 30 minutes over two hours – I could handle gulping that much at a time. (wait that makes 32 ounces in 90 minutes, doesn’t it? and here I was feeling all smug that my prep was easier – well then) It definately would have been more intimidating to think I had to finish two full jugs rather than the way it was broken out.
It really sucks what we do to make sure we remain healthy, doesn’t it?
August 8th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
I’m officially disowned by my college roommates because, despite watching syndicated Friends re-runs every day of our college careers (both the 6:00 AND 6:30 ones), that episode was not the first thing to come to mind when I read about your free porn. I feel like such a failure.
But the King is hilarious.
August 8th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
I don’t know how I missed this entry yesterday, but I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how everything went. Sorry to hear you’re going through this, but glad things went okay. 32 pills sounds like the much higher road for next time. Geeh.
August 8th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Glad the “procedure” went well!!
August 8th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
Just being nosy, what symptoms made you go in for your first colonoscopy? My mother makes it sound like its a fun vacation. We all think the years of using aerosol Aqua Net has killed off a few brain cells!
November 18th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
[...] polyp should never be “funny looking”November 18th, 2008 @ 7:01 am Yesterday I had yet another colonosopy. I’ve lost count on how many I’ve had. This may have been number five. Or six. [...]