What’s worse, an unmade bed or cleaning the litter box?October 8th, 2007 @ 9:01 am
I hate an unmade bed. I guess I get this from years and years of my mom insisting we all make our beds everyday before school. My mom never made my bed for me. I did it all by myself since I was a little girl.
When I was married to my first husband I left for work much earlier then he did, which meant I would get home from work much earlier then him. Everyday I would walk into our house and look into our bedroom and see the mess of sheets and pillows. He never made the bed. Ever.
(To be fair, he also never slept in the bed either. So okay, making the bed probably wasn’t his job. He slept on the couch, by choice, since we came home from our honeymoon. That’s probably a topic for another day.)
Now I’m married to The King, who sleeps in the same bed with me every night (thankyouverymuch). And again, I leave for work much earlier then he does. And again, he does not make the bed. Sure, sometimes he’ll shake the comforter out and (try to) align the pillows at the top of the bed. But really, it’s not made. At least not to my high standards.
I’ve given up on being even slightly upset when I come home from work and finding the bed unmade. I just hurry and make it and then continue with my after work tasks. Really, it doesn’t bother me anymore at all. The King and I were discussing this topic yesterday and he told me he knows that I get mad everyday about the unmade bed. But truthfully, I don’t. I tried to convince him that I no longer care, but he wouldn’t believe me.
Since we were on the topic of things that may or may not upset us, I decided to tell him how I hate it that he doesn’t shut the medicine cabinet door when he’s done using it. (When it’s open the mirror catches my eye at a different angle and I think it’s someone in the bathroom and not just my reflection. And then I have a heart attack.) And again, since we were on the topic The King told me how he hates how I make the toilet seat wobbly. (I refuse to take the credit for this one. I think we just have a cheap toilet at our apartment.)
Then I told him how I hate that he doesn’t wash Babboo’s one bowl (yes, we only own one bowl for our kid) after each use and then I’m forced to wash it, in a huff, when I’m ready to serve Babboo his meal. Then he told me how he hates that I don’t dry the dishes I’ve hand washed, even though I know how upset it makes him. I responded by telling him that I don’t like it when I have to put the laundry away all by myself, well except for the help I get from a certain 18 month old.
Then The King won by reminding me that he’s changed the little box for like the last million years. He’s totally right.
It’s hard to get a household to run like a well oiled machine. It’s take a while for everyone to figure out who does what and who doesn’t do what. We’ve been married over seven years and we’re still trying to figure it out. Plus, the tasks keep changing. I mean, last year I would have never had to think about washing a bowl for the kid.
Really, if The King continues to clean out the litter box I’ll happily make the bed and clean Babboo’s bowl.
So tell me, how does this all work in your house?
And while you’re at it, head over the SeattleMomBlogs to read my new post about a Seattle activity that Babboo and I participated in a few weeks ago. And then leave me a comment over there also. I need all the love I can get today.
The King
super des
said,
October 8, 2007 at 4:05 pm
My bf has never changed the litter box. Even when I had surgery and couldn’t bend, or when I had tendonitis and couldn’t use my hand (AT ALL). I like to hang that over his head, but he doesn’t deny it.
Sadie
said,
October 8, 2007 at 4:06 pm
My husband does the litter box, too, and they’re “my” cats. But I do make the bed. If I didn’t, he would. I do all laundry, usually the dishes, and he does… everything else.
Also? My “starter” husband didn’t sleep in the bed either! Oh, the red flags I chose to ignore.
Marriage-101
said,
October 8, 2007 at 4:09 pm
We argue about chores all the time. Basically, it comes down to, I take care of everything INSIDE the house, and he takes care of everything OUTSIDE the house. I got the crappy end of that deal.
Anna
said,
October 8, 2007 at 4:10 pm
I am also very picky about the bed being made. With a husband that works odd shifts it’s next to impossible. He doesn’t see why it’s so important.
But he cleans up all of the dog’s business in the yard so I don’t complain. Much.
Carrisa
said,
October 8, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Thom does the yard work. Period. End of story. I do the cooking. Period. End of story. Everything else is just kind of a taking turns sort of thing. Though neither of us make the bed. Ever. Well… maybe twice a year.
Oh and I also make him do all the light bulb changing on the light fixtures.
Janssen
said,
October 8, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I’m so glad to hear that someone else feels so strongly about making the bed! (And I’m the one who has to make sure the bed is made).
I cook, he does the dishes, I do most of the laundry, so he no longer hassles me about not taking the clothes RIGHT OUT OF THE DRYER THE MOMENT IT IS DONE. I vacuum, he mows the lawn. He takes out the garbage, I put new garbage bags in.
Carrie
said,
October 8, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Mine doesn’t help put the laundry away either . . . even though I’ve folded and washed it. Hmph!
But he does mow the grass and do the dishes, so I guess he isn’t totally useless, even if I pick up the dog poo when the kids forget . . .
janet
said,
October 8, 2007 at 4:26 pm
I’m trying to imagine what the King thinks you are doing that makes the toilet seat wobbly. Like you are getting crazy with the funky dance moves while you’re peeing or something?
We also have a constant chore struggle, back and forth, balance…whatever you call it. Especially with the new house — a whole new routine!
I am also lucky that I only clean the litter box about 1 out of every 10 scoops. Husband has the other 9. Phew!
Jill
said,
October 8, 2007 at 4:36 pm
I take care of the inside stuff, he does some of the outside stuff and washes the cars. I still get stuck mowing the lawn most of the time, and we have almost a half acre of lawn. But in all fairness, I am the one who stays home while he works very hard to support all of us.
I also have high standards when it comes to doing housework. He figured out a long time ago that if he didn’t do things very good, I would redo it. Which means that I would rather do it how I like the first time than to have him do it at all. I have a lower standard when my kids try to do something because they are just kids and learning. But my husband does the half-assed job to get out of doing it again.
Audrey
said,
October 8, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Pretty much the only set rules are that Tim does the dishes and I do the laundry. This was a much better deal for me before we had a dishwasher. But Tim doing the dishes also means that the kitchen is pretty much his responsibility. Which means that when we clean and divide up the tasks, cleaning the kitchen becomes his job. Of course, I clean the bathroom in exchange, but that’s no big deal at all since our bathroom is TINY. Everything else basically gets divided up evenly. It works out reasonably well.
Nic (bridehood)
said,
October 8, 2007 at 5:42 pm
You’re a much better person than I. I would have included the breastfeeding and the wiping of the kid’s butt into the equation, and any assorted tasks that would bring me into the win, no matter how many double points the litter box may bring in.
And making the toilet seat wobbily? Um, no. You cannot pee standing up. That’s not even a valid argument on his part. There’s something about the toilet seat that allows for the wobbily. Seriously.
And also, please tell the story about your first husband. I’m developing a theory about couples who marry young.
Christar
said,
October 8, 2007 at 6:42 pm
I’m so glad to hear that Shaun and I aren’t the only ones who have this problem.
I feel that in a relationship (and with kids, and co-workers, and family…) you pick your battles, so I usually won’t complain about all the cleaning and such that I do. I know it’s not 50/50, but there’s other aspects where I know he outweighs me.
Stephanie
said,
October 8, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Kitty litter - mine. I can’t wait for the day that I get pregnant so I don’t have to do it. He actually asked me to show him how to do it the last time I griped. I about kicked him in the head.
Dishes are primarily him because our rule is that whoever makes the dinner doesn’t have to do the dishes.
Yard work is split 50/50.
Laundry 50/50 (basically whoever needs something washed)
The bed - never gets made unless we have people coming over. I am not sure why I think people are going to be looking at my upstairs bedroom to see if my bed is made.
But the worst chore? Scooping dog poo out of the yard. That one is usually mine. Why does it seem that I do all the poo cleaning up?
Tell the King to stop smoking the pipe. He sits on there to poop too!
elle
said,
October 8, 2007 at 7:03 pm
The trusty husband cleans the litter box. I refuse. However, I do make the bed, sweep the floors, vacuum, and all other houseworky duties. I also won’t fold the socks alone. They will sit in the basket for weeks until he helps me. The good thing is that we both dig the socks out of the basket so when it comes time to fold them there are fewer.
Jana
said,
October 8, 2007 at 8:19 pm
Loved this post! Just the other day my hubby and I had a similar conversation. I told him I couldn’t stand for him to ask me if the dishes in the dishwasher were clean or dirty. JUST LOOK!! Oh, it felt so good to tell him that!
katie
said,
October 8, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Well, we’ve only been married 4 months, so I don’t know if we’ve settled on jobs yet.
He takes the trash out, cleans one bathroom, does the majority of the dishes and vaccums.
I clean the other bathroom, cook, fold laundry and make the bed.
Seems to work out pretty well so far. Sometimes I feel like he actually does more around the house than I do!
anne
said,
October 8, 2007 at 10:19 pm
My hubby and I agreed prenuptially that he would always do the trash/litter and I would always do the bed.
Man, I have loved that deal through the years…
SJ
said,
October 8, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Usually whatever needs to be done outside (yard, scoop dog poop) the husband does. And whatever is inside (laundry, cleaning) is my job. Typically whoever makes dinner, doesn’t have to do dishes. And we never make the bed except for when it has freshly cleaned sheets on it (which is once a week). And well because I do laundry, I generaly make the bed.
Sad isn’t it?
jeanie
said,
October 8, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Ah, we are still in the bright eyes phase of our relationship - but things are sort of sifting into the his and mine pile.
Operation Pink Herring
said,
October 8, 2007 at 11:28 pm
Here’s how it works for us: I do 90% of the housework. Every few weeks, I blow up about it and Joel promises to help more. And then he doesn’t. In fact, I have to go and blow up about it right now.
If you figure out a way to make your household run like a well-oiled machine, I’ll pay you a million dollars for the secret.
Fairly Odd Mother
said,
October 9, 2007 at 12:16 am
I do most of it, but, then again, I’m not working outside of the house. He handles things I truly hate, like cleaning the car, basement and garage and almost all of the yard work (except for gardening which I love). We take turns on dishes and bathing the kids. I sometimes feel like a glorified maid and want to call up a cleaning service, but then I realize what that would cost and calm down.
We don’t really bicker about much except for maybe his Guitar Hero obsession and my blog reading one.
metalia
said,
October 9, 2007 at 1:50 am
J, who is neater than me by leaps and bounds, is anti-making the bed, on the grounds that it’s just going to get messed up again in 10 hours. While I have a chair full of piled clothes so large that it threatens to topple and smother me daily, somehow, an unmade bed irks me. Go figure.
sandra
said,
October 9, 2007 at 2:03 am
frank and i just moved (from a tiny, tiny studio into a real, actual duplex) so we had the chore convo again. so far we’ve decided that the other person MUST do what the other person HATES doing. luckily for us there’s no chores that we both hate - phew! maybe that’s a true sign that we’re meant for each other (i have to say that since we’re newlyweds).
maybe i should blog about our new place or our new life; my blog is pretty sad right now.
Loralee
said,
October 9, 2007 at 2:36 am
My husband hates it when I make the bed. He sees it as totally and completely pointless.
Of course, I think the fact that he reloads the dishwasher after I load it “Incorrectly” as completely pointless as well.
Give and take, right?
Anth
said,
October 9, 2007 at 3:45 am
I clean the toilets and Dh cleans the showers. I don’t know how fair this is since we both take showers, but I never, you know, PEE ON THE RIM.
Anyway. The real reason he cleans the shower is he doesn’t feel I scrub it hard enough and he’s right because I don’t like getting dirty and you can’t really scrub the shower without getting dirty whereas you can clean the toilet without getting dirty, I do it all the time. Well, from time to time.
Ever since I heard Italian people believe a bed should air out during the day and thus never make their beds, I have pretended to be Italian with delight.
Lisa B
said,
October 9, 2007 at 3:57 am
Let’s see… My husband goes to work. He comes home, eats, (doesn’t even bring his dish to the sink) then sits on the couch where he watches tv and dinks with his computer. On weekends (like this past Saturday — he laid in bed until noon, then laid on the couch, then took a nap from 2:30 to 6:30.) Last week Saturday, he laid in bed till 3 p.m. (No, he wasn’t sick.)
So its safe to say that he brings home the paycheck, makes messes when he wants a snack, and stinks up the house because he’s too lazy to turn the exhaust fan on when he poops.
I take care of our son (discipline, sports, school, social, health, cleanliness, friends, etc), take care of finances, taxes, autos (maintenance), inside of house (clean), outside of house, social calender,shopping, cooking, cleaning, meet family relations, gift buying, my son and my laundry, towels, sheets, etc.
Oh wait. He does one more thing. He criticizes how I raise “our” son.
This would be why I rarely talk about my hubby on my blog. That whole, “If you can’t say something nice… Don’t say it at all” thing.
Lisa B
said,
October 9, 2007 at 4:01 am
Sorry to be such a downer. You’re probably very sorry I chose this day to visit. heehee.
Eris
said,
October 9, 2007 at 4:03 am
*sigh*
No one does the chores in my house.
I live alone.
When I get home I bitch at the moron who dropped a wet washclothe on the floor and let mold grow on the dishes in the sink that I demand to know who the hell is such a pig.
Yes.
Perhaps I need a maid.
Erika
said,
October 9, 2007 at 11:37 am
What is it about men that they cannot properly make a bed? Even when they do try, which I’ll agree is rare, something just isn’t right…the blanket’s not taught or the pillows aren’t angled correctly. This is a chromosomal thing, so I’m glad you have looked past it (the bed only gets made at our house on the weekends, since during the week I never even get upstairs to see the bed until it’s time to fall into it).
Rachel
said,
October 9, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Neither of us makes the bed everyday, although, I do straighten it up. I do all the cooking, unless you count fixing a sandwich cooking. The laundry is me. If Chris does the laundry it’s because he has no clothes for work because he leaves them in a pile on the floor of the bedroom and I refuse to pick them up to be washed.
I normally do the dishes, but Chris does them more often now and we both keep the house straight.
Allycat
said,
October 9, 2007 at 11:42 pm
my husband is more anal than I am - in fact, i think the dishes could pile up in the sink for over a week before I would notice it, it would then take another week for me to motivate myself to do something about it. This has all changed since I am now a stay at home mum. He has turned into the slothy slob and I have become the obsesive compulsive who makes the bed EVERY day (my mother is probably turning in her grave - except that she is still alive and well). It i funny how the rules change….