Am I interrupting?
Posted by Isabel on October 10th, 2007. Filed under: Back in the Day, Random, They're just my family.My mom devised a phone rule when I was growing up. The rule was quite simple and allowed no wiggle room.
No calls between nine and nine.
That’s right, the phone couldn’t ring before nine in the morning of after nine at night. We could be on the phone after nine, we just couldn’t receive calls after nine. When I was in high school I’d be sitting at my desk studying after dinner when I’d suddenly look at the clock and realize it was 8:56 and I’d better make my nightly phone call to my boyfriend.
My mom had another rule, but it wasn’t as set in stone at the nine to nine rule. The rule was that we couldn’t get calls during dinner time. Dinner time started at six and went to…well, until dinner was over. Whenever that may be.
My mom had these rules ingrained in my head. She was serious about them and we would get reprimanded if the phone rang at 9:01 PM. (And it’s not like we had anything to do with what time someone called us. My mom advised us to let it be known to our friends to not call after 9:00 at night and then we just hoped and prayed they would follow along! Thankfully nobody is up before 9:00 in the morning, so that one was easy to keep.)
Even though it’s been years and years since I’ve lived at home I still have a hard time calling anyone after nine at night. Or during dinner time. Of course this has never applied when I’m calling my friend May. I’ve never thought twice about calling her late at night, or during dinner time.
Of course that was until they moved to Reno to live with her in-laws. Even though I call May on her cell phone, I still get nervous that maybe I’m calling too late and I’ll wake someone else in the house up. Or that I’m calling too early. Or maybe they’ve just sat down to dinner and they’re in the middle of prayer.
Last night Babboo and I were driving to a meeting I had to attend. I had a few minutes so I decided I’d call and talk to May while I was driving (I had my hands free with me, don’t worry). I looked at the clock and realized it was 6:29.
Crap, dinner time.
I couldn’t bring myself to call her. I thought about it and realized that if it was before May had moved and they were still living in their own house I wouldn’t think twice about calling her. But since they were living with her in-laws, you know, actual adults, I just couldn’t do it. I felt like a teenager all over again.
I continued driving to my meeting and just reminded myself to call May when I got out of the meeting.
That is, if the meeting didn’t go past nine.
So tell me, am I the only one that has these type of phone issues?
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October 10th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
We had the same rules at my house! (Well, not 9 a.m., but definitely 9 p.m.) Except, I wasn’t allowed to call out after 9 p.m. either, because my dad thought it would make people think that I was allowed to be on the phone then and therefore okay to call. Also, if people called during dinner, he would be the one to answer the phone and sternly tell them that we were eating and I would have to call them back after dinner. Needless to say, people were always freaked to call my house.
And, it did instill in me some forethought into when I call people now. It’s rare for me to call anyone after about 9:30.
October 10th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
We had the very same rules and they are still ingrained into my bones. Even though most of my children’s friends have their own cell phones (which is weird since they are 9 and 10), there are no calls after 9pm or during dinner.
October 10th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
I had the same sort of set of rules when I lived at home with my parents as well, and now as an adult, I’m always paying attention to what time it is when I call people!
You aren’t alone!
October 10th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
I have to admit that I hate telephones. I hate it when they ring at work, because I’m always in the middle of something and I find it extremely annoying that I have to stop what I’m doing and answer someone’s questions. It totally derails my train of thought. At home, I just don’t answer (it helps that I keep my cell phone in my purse, which I put in the closet as soon as I get home). If someone has a real emergency, I just figure they’ll call my home phone (which only a few people have the number to).
But I think I am weird about this stuff. I have a feeling that hating phones is not really normal.
I never call people after nine because I’m terrified that they’re sleeping, just put their kids to bed, in the middle of a tv show, etc etc etc. I am not afraid to call my really good friends later in the evening… but then again, I could just send them an email or text. And that’s what I usually do.
October 10th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
I ALWAYS turn my cell to vibrate if I’m at a restaurant. And maybe also get a little irritated if someone takes a call in the middle of a meal. Because, hi. I am the one who came out to eat with you. Maybe we could actually spend some time interacting with each other.
And even though I’ve never gotten a bad news call late at night, I still get nervous every time the phone rings after 10:00. That just seems so late for anyone to be calling to chat unless they have something really important to say that can’t wait until morning.
October 10th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Like Audrey, I automatically assume that something bad has happened if my phone rings after 10pm. I have had a few bad news calls in the past and nothing makes me break out in a cold sweat faster.
For some reason lately we’ve been getting a lot of wrong numbers later at night. It isn’t doing much for my anxiety.
October 10th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
I have some crazy phone issues. I used to be able to yap away like nobody’s business. Then I worked as a receptionist, and that basically sucked every ounce of phone conversation joy right out.
Growing up, my mother always taught us to identify ourselves to the person who picked up the phone and then ask, politely, to speak with so-and-so. “Hello, this is Liz L. May I please speak with Sally?”
Although I never do that anymore (hello, tacky!), I still feel the gravitational pull.
Also, Isabel you know, I’m a mad texter. Because I hate the phone now. I’m Queen of the Screen and I truly, madly, deeply HEART caller ID. I’m always afraid that I’m being rude to those who call me, but unless I’m the one making the phone call, I’m not always, well, chatty.
October 10th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
10 PM was the cut off time at our house, but I am a major night owl as are most of my friends and family.
Still, it’s true, there really isn’t much of a reason to chat after that time and most of my phone calling ends before 10.
I do have major phone anxiety, though. It is difficult for me to speak to people I don’t know well over the phone. Shudder.
October 10th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
I think being conscious about dinner time / late night calling is very polite! I have the worst time with time zone differences, though. I frequently call West Coast friends at 8 pm Eastern… then feel embarrassed and surprised when they’re still at work!
October 10th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
My problem is that I have a hard time getting OFF of the phone. I don’t care what time you call, and I don’t notice what time I’m calling someone else. It just seems that all the people who call me can’t take a subtle clue about it being time to HANG UP ALREADY!
October 10th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
I hate talking on the phone, but I don’t hate it when you call me. I only hate it when you call me and my damn phone is on silent so I don’t know it till later. Then I kick myself.
But the rest of yous? Don’t call me. Text me instead.
)
October 10th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
My mom had the same rules, exactly. No phone calls after 9:00 (in or out) and no calls before 8:00 in the morning, I think it was. Maybe it was 9:00, but I don’t remember. But I remember my mom telling me that I would be in trouble if my friends called after 9:00, and I wasn’t allowed to call anyone after 9:00 because it was rude.
I, like you, still can’t break this habit. I feel so weird calling people after 9:00 because I feel like it’s bad manners, so usually I won’t. Glad to know I’m not the only one!
October 10th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Yea, you are so not alone with this….
October 10th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
Yep, I always worry about calling people when they might be busy too. I try to go for the cell phone in most instances, because at least I know that they would just put it on silent if they couldn’t talk.
All in all, I much prefer to text if I have that option. Then I feel like they can get to it when they get to it. Of course then that probably seems impersonal and whatnot, so you just can’t win.
October 11th, 2007 at 12:27 am
Yes! Excellent post.
October 11th, 2007 at 1:34 am
9 was our cutoff also – in or out – any call after 9 was considered “emergency only”.
Early is my family speciality – if its before 8am you can be assured I am related to them!
October 11th, 2007 at 2:21 am
We had similar rules at my house. Although since my boy and I live far apart, late night calls are now the norm instead of the rarity. And I no longer get my reading time in before bed. I miss my reading time.
October 11th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
We had similar dinnertime rules, though we wouldn’t get in trouble if someone called. We just couldn’t pick up. I like the idea a lot and think I’ll do it with my own kids, too. The time to bond is too precious, and it goes by so fast! They’ll always have time for the phone later.
October 11th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
P.S. I’m with Audrey–I HATE it when people answer their cell phones in a restaurant. Just because we have access to telephone service 24/7 doesn’t mean we have to be slaves to it!
October 11th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
We had a similar rule in my house. No calls after 9. Maybe it was 10, but I think it was 9. No rule about dinnertime. I don’t normally call people after 9 still. Except for my bff.
October 11th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
Great post Isabel! I have that rule with the girls even now that they are older. Haha, we are all old mommies.
October 12th, 2007 at 4:42 am
I nearly lose my ever-loving mind if my phone rings later than I think it should. Never mind that what I think of as “too late” changes pretty much daily; it could be after 9:00 or after 11:00 depending on who the caller is, how much sleep I got the night before, what kind of mood I’m in, etc.
And I stay mad at the offender for wa y too long, too. It’s completely irrational, but damn! People need to think about what they’re interrupting when they force loud, repetetive noise into someone else’s home.
I even have one friend who says, “I’ll just try you and if you’re sleeping you won’t pick up!” Never mind that the phone will have woken me up and infuriated me, souring me entirely to whatever cause is so important you have to ask me about it after 9:00pm.
I don’t even think about calling anyone at an hour that might make them think it’s an emergency call — basically 9:00 to 9:00 as well.
October 12th, 2007 at 4:54 am
I’m the same way. I think it’s terribly rude to call someone after nine (who goes to bed at nine?!) and downright indecent to phone before 9 in the morning.
I must have learned it growing up, but I don’t remember specifically being told that.
If only the rest of the world was as polite as I am.
October 12th, 2007 at 11:50 am
I love the ‘9 to 9′ rule. God, I hate calls after 9pm at night—although, I do break the 9am rule with my mom and sister b/c I know they’ll be up.
And, my husband protects dinner like crazy. I’d like to think that he can’t bring himself to tear himself away from my amazing cooking, but I don’t think that is it.
October 16th, 2007 at 12:15 am
Considering that my parents were the early-90s Gestapo, I had it pretty tough as a teenager.
The phone rule in my house went like this: no phone calls after 7 p.m. on schoolnights.
Do you have any idea how bad that sucked? Ugh.
I think the 9-to-9 rule is pretty sensible and courteous, though.