Hey listen, I’m trying to get unstuck from you
Posted by Isabel on February 26th, 2008. Filed under: Back in the Day, Me, The King.It’s been a few weeks since my Big Reveal of Hey, I’m a Mormon!, so I figured it’s time I discuss some of few of your questions. Or rather, one of your questions.
I received quite a few e-mails asking me about my religious practices in regards to my first marriage, and whether or not he was also a member of the LDS church. So yeah, let’s talk about that today and see if I can explain it all to you. (Wish me luck!)
The first time I saw Suede (which is what I’m calling my first husband) was his first Sunday back from his two year mission for our church. He had served his mission in Los Angeles, California (Spanish language speaking). My family had moved to a new house down the street from Suede’s family. I hadn’t met him before he left for LA, although I had heard about him while he was on his mission.
Eventually I met him. And we dated. And got pretty serious. He asked me to marry him. And then we got married.
Suede and I were married (and sealed together for all eternity) in the Manti, Utah LDS temple. My grandparents had been married there, as well as my parents and most of my aunts and uncles. It was a tradition in my family, and I happily followed suit.
(The Manti Temple. I will forever think it’s so beautiful!)
Of course we all know that Suede and I never celebrated our second wedding anniversary.
Our divorce was final the summer of 1999. While we were no longer married to each other legally, we were still sealed together in the eyes of the Lord. Really, this was just a technicality. During this time I thought about what would happen if Suede died and I was left being sealed to the dude FOREVER. I realized that even if he did die, I couldn’t imagine that the Lord would force me to be with Suede forever and ever and ever. I mean, dude, what kind of a Savior would do that to someone he loves? So yeah, I was pretty sure that it would all work out, you know, if Suede did happen to die. Which he didn’t, thank goodness.
Plus Suede was sort of living his life against what he knew to be right. So I figured our sealing was pretty much null and void.
Fine by me.
I forgot about our sealing to each other and moved on with my life.
Enter The King.
The King’s parents were baptized into the LDS church when The King was just a little boy. He was also baptized and was raised going to church every Sunday. He served his two year mission in Berlin, Germany, right after the Berlin Wall fell.
When it was decided that The King and I were in love and moving towards getting married, I had to start thinking about the fact that I was currently sealed to Suede. There is a process by which one can get a cancellation of their sealing. It’s a pretty big deal, so I needed to start the process.
This process sort of reminds me of when King Henry wanted to divorce Catherine of Aragon to marry Anne Boleyn. While I wasn’t looking to cut off the head of Suede so I could marry The King, there was a process that needed to be followed.
First, I was instructed by my Bishop (who is sort of like a “pastor”), after many meetings together, to write a letter to the Prophet of the LDS church asking for a cancellation of my sealing to Suede. I was never given any instructions as to what the letter needed to say, only that I had to write a letter to get approval. I thought a lot about this and prayed a lot about it and then I set pen to paper and wrote my letter. Basically I just requested that the cancellation of the sealing be granted so that I could move forward with my life. I said that I wished nothing but the best for Suede and hoped that he felt the same way.
Suede was contacted by his Bishop in Utah (through my Bishop in Seattle) and asked to also write a letter to the Prophet. I knew that him choosing to not write a letter wouldn’t stop anything from going through, but he was asked to write a letter. I have no idea if he did. To be honest, I sort of think he didn’t. But this is the standard practice of the church, so rules had to be followed and he had to be asked to write the letter.
My letter was sent off to church headquarters in Salt Lake City, Utah to be read and reviewed by the Prophet. Dude, that’s a pretty big deal. I’ve never met the Prophet. Heck, to this day I’ve never even seen the Prophet in person. Yeah, it’s a pretty big deal!
And then we waited to hear back on my cancellation.
Now, I’ve personally never heard of anyone’s cancellation of sealing not going through. I can’t imagine the Prophet is going to make someone stay sealed, just for the heck of it. So while the process is sort of a sure-thing, it isn’t an easy and quick process. The Prophet and his counselors read and review each letter. I imagine they even pray about ever request. So yeah, it’s a big deal!
In the mean time, The King and I were getting closer and closer to our scheduled wedding date. We were planning on being sealed, just hoping that we’d get confirmation that it was okay.
We were getting married on a Friday and by that Wednesday I still hadn’t received my approval letter in the mail. I needed the approval letter to take with us to our sealing. I admit that I started to get a little nervous.
On Wednesday The King’s dad made a couple of phone calls and got in touch with someone at the church’s headquarters. They told him that my cancellation had gone through, even if I hadn’t received the approval letter in the mail yet. Hopefully this would be enough to let The King and get sealed to each other, as planned, on Friday.
I kid you not when I say that the letter finally arrived in the mail on Friday morning, right before I headed to the temple for the wedding and sealing. The cancellation had gone through. I had been given the all-clear to be sealed to The King.
Phew. Just in time.
And so, on August 11th, 2000 The King and I were sealed together, for time and all eternity in the Seattle LDS temple. My parents were with us inside the temple to witness, as well as The King’s parents and his sister and the guy she was going to marry in the same temple in two weeks. My bestest friend May and her husband were there, as well as my aunt and uncle and many of The King’s family friends.
It was the perfect way to start our life together.
I hope that answered all of your questions. Because really, I’m not too comfortable about being the spokesperson for my faith on the interweb.
You know you can always tell me; “dude, shut the crap up. We hate hearing about your divorce and your church!”
Whatever. It’s cool with me.
If you do have more questions, or just want to learn more about the LDS church, I suggest you go right to the source. Mormon.org has this great little “Ask a Question” tab on their front page where you can live-chat with a cute 19-year old missionary. No pressure, just a good way to get answers to your questions.
February 26th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Question: (hee, Dwight Schrute)
What about those who remarry after a spouse has died – can they be sealed to their new spouse?
Is that a silly question?
February 26th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Great post – glad everything went through in an okay manner.
Bart’s parents are divorced and his mom is resealed (his dad was excommunicated (a big reason for their divorce, as you can imagine)), but I don’t know when she went about getting a cancellation of sealing. Can you do it before you’re getting remarried?
And I agree that the Logan Temple is beyond beautiful – those huge grassy hills are amazing.
February 26th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I love these posts. You know I do. I love learning about this stuff because I feel it makes me less of a jerk in the long run, and also, it’s interesting.
February 26th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I love hearing about your faith. I would love to hear more since it always seems like the LDS faith is pretty secret and misunderstood.
And the Manti temple? GORGEOUS!
February 26th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
“Sealing” sounds so permanent, so I was kind of wondering if you had been sealed in the first marriage. I’m glad it’s not…yikes!
February 26th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Interesting concept, sealing. Sounds similar to the annulment process for Catholics – paperwork-wise. I had to fill out a 16 page questionnaire and have two witnesses fill it out, plus pay $850. Well, I didn’t pay, the XHB paid. But I had to do the paperwork. And yes, it was granted just a few weeks shy of his remarriage.
February 26th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I love that the letter came on the morning of your 2nd wedding. Ummm, I would have been fuh-reaking! But then again I was a bit OCD about my wedding planning timeline. Your experience goes to show it all works out!
February 26th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
How sad is it that I totally know about sealing because of Big Love? (Jeanne Triplehorn’s mom gets unsealed from her late father to marry another guy.)
February 26th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
I think you do a good job as being a spokesperson.
These things can get very sticky and complicated. I’m so glad yours went smoothly.
February 26th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Very interesting post. I like learning about other faiths. The temple is very beautiful. There is a very large temple near DC that is gorgeous (did you visit when you were on the east coast last year?) You can see it from the beltway as you’re speeding past.
Anyway, the un-sealing process sounds similar to annullment in the Catholic Church, but for annullments there are specific reasons why you can or cant be annulled.
February 26th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Thanks for the explanation. Very cool. I can’t believe the letter came that morning! Nothing like keeping you on your toes to the last minute!
February 26th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Sure, we could ask a 19-year-old… but we’d rather ask you! I like your explanation of why you were so sure your cancellation would go through.
February 26th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Rhi’s and Jannsen’s questions are good ones. I’m curious, too!
February 26th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Isabel, you are fantastic. Thank you for writing a non-preachy post about religion and weddings and sealings.
xox
February 26th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I love hearing about it! I think there are so many sterotypes out there about the Mormon faith and you are doing your part to break them down. It is super interesting to me.
I was thinking the same thing that Kim was about the similarities to getting remarried in the Catholic church.
February 26th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Just like your email to me, this is a great post about your faith and how sealing works. Thankyou!!
p.s. it is a LOT like my annulment in the Catholic Church but dude, we have to pay cash money for it. And they did contact my ex- but he blew them off. Kind of sealed the deal that he was “too immature to make the vows” which is what I was claiming as the official deal for the annulment!
February 26th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
interesting post, isabel. thanks for sharing.
and dude, that temple is beautiful. as are you and the king and your sweet babboo.
(seriously? that letter came THE MORNING you and the king were gettin’ hitched? i would have pooped myself!)
February 26th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
I think you make a great spokesperson. (Heh, can we call you a spokesmodel?)
Think of it as your unique version of a mission, but with many fewer rules. And no dorky name tag. (Sorry King!)
February 26th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
I think you did a great job explaining the process.
Man, you must have been sweating bullets that Friday you got sealed!
February 26th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Thank you for sharing.
February 26th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Dude, I don’t want you to shut up. I am so loving this new out-and-proud Isabel!
February 27th, 2008 at 2:16 am
Thank you so much for sharing this story! I’ve wondered if you can be unsealed. I’m glad that it worked out for you!
On a side note, every single day it is a pleasure to come to your blog because you always have something new and different to talk about! There is never a dull day!
February 27th, 2008 at 4:36 am
I love hearing about various religions and how things work. Very interesting information, thanks for sharing!
February 27th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I always had wondered about how this works and so it’s great to finally know!
I also really like Rhi’s question too! 
February 27th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Wow! That is SUCH a pretty temple!!! Very interesting story. I used to have to a Mormon friend at work (well, I still have her, but she works elsewhere now… ANYway…) She would constantly answer all my (sometimes ridiculous) questions about the LDS church. It was so convientient to have her around, because I’m nothing if not a question asker… I never thought to ask about the whole sealing thing with respect to the whole divorce thing. I did once ask, “What happens if a couple is very much in love and gets married (and sealed), and then one of them dies, and then the one who is left behind re-falls in love and gets re-married… what happens when you get to heaven? Do you end up with first hubby or second hubby? What if you have kids with both????? What if you just have kids with the second hubby but you are technically only sealed to the the first hubby?” While not quite sure of the answer, she assured me that God worked everything out. He’s good like that.
Thanks for sharing your story.
February 27th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Ditto everything Janet said. Whew! Just in time indeed! I’m so glad it all worked out for you and the King. Thanks for sharing your story with us!
February 28th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Thanks for the answer. I think the Temples are all beautiful.
I wondered about it because for me to marry my second husband in the church we have to get permission from the Bishop (the head of all Episcopal churches in our region), though we don’t have to get an annulment or anything. It’s less of a big deal, but we aren’t sealed and I wondered what the process would be for you, and I appreciate you explaining it!
February 28th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
yay isabel. Another good mormon post. My sister (who was an LDS missionary in Taiwan) was telling me that the best people she taught were people who had already been taught by their friends… like you using your blog. So good job. You don’t have to post this, but I’m proud of your missionary efforts, even if you don’t feel like you’re a good spokesperson. :0)
March 4th, 2008 at 7:36 am
um yeah. you know someone whose cancellation was denied.
think hard.