Comments on: If I could only reach this darn itch to scratch it http://www.holaisabel.com/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/ Thu, 29 Jul 2010 04:08:22 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Jeff http://www.holaisabel.com/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/comment-page-1/#comment-20350 Jeff Mon, 31 Mar 2008 05:25:05 +0000 http://holaisabel.com/blog/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/#comment-20350 I made it past 7, but I failed in year 12. I had an affair, and nearly/possibly destroyed my marriage. I've had four months to think about what I did, and why I did it. My wife and I have 3 wonderful children, and the thought of what I did to her and them sickens me. However, after months of counseling and the Retrovaille program, both my wife and I realize we both got lazy with our relationship years ago. Our biggest stresses have the our children, money and depression. Children change your marriage, and you need to be careful to make time for each other. My wife and I began to allow ourselves 'personal time' and while it is legitimate, it must be limited. My wife raises our children while I work. We have 3 energetic boys so she is often exhausted when I come home. She would automatically turn over the kids to me, and begin to have her time off, at first I thought of it as my time with the kids, but I grew to resent the fact that I fed them in the morning, got them ready for school, worked, then got them again when I came home. My wife and I began to lead independent lives, the passion drained from our marriage and was replaced by resentment. We are on the road to recovery - we are rediscovering each other, and learning to communicate and treasure each other. My advice to any married couple is to never be complacent. Spend time with each other, with and without the kids. Make your spouses day a little easier and they will return the favor. I made it past 7, but I failed in year 12. I had an affair, and nearly/possibly destroyed my marriage. I’ve had four months to think about what I did, and why I did it. My wife and I have 3 wonderful children, and the thought of what I did to her and them sickens me. However, after months of counseling and the Retrovaille program, both my wife and I realize we both got lazy with our relationship years ago. Our biggest stresses have the our children, money and depression. Children change your marriage, and you need to be careful to make time for each other. My wife and I began to allow ourselves ‘personal time’ and while it is legitimate, it must be limited. My wife raises our children while I work. We have 3 energetic boys so she is often exhausted when I come home. She would automatically turn over the kids to me, and begin to have her time off, at first I thought of it as my time with the kids, but I grew to resent the fact that I fed them in the morning, got them ready for school, worked, then got them again when I came home. My wife and I began to lead independent lives, the passion drained from our marriage and was replaced by resentment. We are on the road to recovery – we are rediscovering each other, and learning to communicate and treasure each other. My advice to any married couple is to never be complacent. Spend time with each other, with and without the kids. Make your spouses day a little easier and they will return the favor.

]]> By: In which I ask you if you attended my wedding(s) | hola, isabel http://www.holaisabel.com/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/comment-page-1/#comment-20163 In which I ask you if you attended my wedding(s) | hola, isabel Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:10:16 +0000 http://holaisabel.com/blog/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/#comment-20163 [...] Last week I wrote a little post about The Seven Year Itch in a marriage. In this post I briefly talked about a couple I know in real life who are getting a divorce. I didn’t share anything too personal about this couple. Nothing about where they live, what they do for livings, what their names are, or what kind of a car they drive. [...] [...] Last week I wrote a little post about The Seven Year Itch in a marriage. In this post I briefly talked about a couple I know in real life who are getting a divorce. I didn’t share anything too personal about this couple. Nothing about where they live, what they do for livings, what their names are, or what kind of a car they drive. [...]

]]> By: Laurel http://www.holaisabel.com/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/comment-page-1/#comment-20082 Laurel Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:18:57 +0000 http://holaisabel.com/blog/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/#comment-20082 Well, I am not married yet, but AS and my biggest stress is definitely money! He is an entrepreneur, which is sometimes very scary for me--someone who is very dedicated to earning a regular paycheck! At the same time, though, his unpredictable career and financial situation helps me loosen up. (Of course, he is a skilled engineer and could get a "real" job pretty easily at any point, so there is always a safety net.) Even though the money / career issue is a part of our relationship where we have to do a lot of negotiating, I feel like it makes us each better as individuals and as a couple to discuss it and work on it. Well, I am not married yet, but AS and my biggest stress is definitely money! He is an entrepreneur, which is sometimes very scary for me–someone who is very dedicated to earning a regular paycheck! At the same time, though, his unpredictable career and financial situation helps me loosen up. (Of course, he is a skilled engineer and could get a “real” job pretty easily at any point, so there is always a safety net.) Even though the money / career issue is a part of our relationship where we have to do a lot of negotiating, I feel like it makes us each better as individuals and as a couple to discuss it and work on it.

]]> By: gorillabuns http://www.holaisabel.com/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/comment-page-1/#comment-20063 gorillabuns Sat, 15 Mar 2008 02:58:32 +0000 http://holaisabel.com/blog/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/#comment-20063 So you're saying I'm in the clear due to the fact we will be celebrating our 8th anniversary this year? I sure hope so. So you’re saying I’m in the clear due to the fact we will be celebrating our 8th anniversary this year? I sure hope so.

]]> By: Rachel http://www.holaisabel.com/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/comment-page-1/#comment-20047 Rachel Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:07:09 +0000 http://holaisabel.com/blog/2008/03/13/if-i-could-only-reach-this-darn-itch-to-scratch-it/#comment-20047 I guess our biggest stress is money. But, who doesn't have that stress. But, Chris and I have had money problems before and we work through them together. Not without some yelling and arguing, but together. Also, I think I take things to seriously sometimes and we don't have as much fun together as we could. But that's my fault. I don't really worry about the itch. I think you have to work to make marriage work and make it happy no matter how long you've been married. As far as what your mom said about not wanting to spend your golden years not talking to your spouse just because, I totally agree. My grandparents have been married for 52 or 53 years. And, they basically can't stand each other. The bicker, they argue, they complain, they sleep in separate rooms. It's ridiculous. They are both miserable, but would never do anything to change it. I do not want to live like that, you know? I guess our biggest stress is money. But, who doesn’t have that stress. But, Chris and I have had money problems before and we work through them together. Not without some yelling and arguing, but together. Also, I think I take things to seriously sometimes and we don’t have as much fun together as we could. But that’s my fault. I don’t really worry about the itch. I think you have to work to make marriage work and make it happy no matter how long you’ve been married.

As far as what your mom said about not wanting to spend your golden years not talking to your spouse just because, I totally agree. My grandparents have been married for 52 or 53 years. And, they basically can’t stand each other. The bicker, they argue, they complain, they sleep in separate rooms. It’s ridiculous. They are both miserable, but would never do anything to change it. I do not want to live like that, you know?

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