In which I have better things to do
Posted by Isabel on October 15th, 2008. Filed under: My Sweet Babboo, They're just my family.I’ve heard a lot of my friends talk recently about how they’ve made resolutions to keep their houses cleaner. These are ladies with more kids and less time then I have. One of these ladies told me her goal was to have all the toys put away before she goes to bed each night. Another lady told me how she’s trying harder to not leave dishes in the sink over night. One friend said her goal is to not leave anything on the stairs and instead “just take it up the darn stairs!”
While my house isn’t 100% spotless all of the time, you’d be hard pressed to find dishes left in the sink overnight. And I’ve never left anything on the stairs to be taken up later. And Babboo’s toys are typically in his room, put away. This might have to do with the fact that we just don’t spend as many hours in the day inside our house so it has less of a chance to get dirty. Or it might have to do with the fact that my mom taught me how to clean at a very young age.
While visiting my family in Utah this past July, I got up from the dinner table and started picking up the dirty dishes and putting them into the dishwasher. My dad, The King and Babboo headed outside to enjoy the cool evening breeze and watch the sun set. I was happy when my mom stayed behind in the kitchen to help me clean up. We were only going to be there a few days, so any time alone with my mom was good for me. She put the food in the fridge while I continued to load the dishwasher.
There were still dirty cups on the bar and pots on the stove top when my mom unbuttoned her apron and said, “come on, we’re going outside to see what the boys are up to!”
I was shocked to hear my mom say this and I responded as such. “But the table isn’t cleared and we need to get the pots soaking!”
“If we don’t go outside now, we’ll miss it.”
“But the kitchen is a mess!”
My mom turned to me and offered one of the few pieces of motherly advice she’s ever given me; “they grow up so fast and you don’t want to miss it just because there are dishes to do.”
She’s right, you know.
I followed behind my mom as we walked through the garage and into their backyard. The King and Babboo were playing in the grass while my dad sat on the porch swing and just watched them having fun together. My mom plopped down next to my dad and they held hands while I joined my boys out in the grass, chasing the chickens.
In the thirty months that Babboo’s been around he’s grown and changed more then I would have ever imagined. And for the twenty four hours in each of my days, Babboo’s only physically with me for a few of those. And during those few hours I’m also cooking dinner and cleaning bathrooms and doing laundry and loading the dishwasher and mopping the floor and picking up toys.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this little piece of motherly advice from my own mother (a women not prone to advice-giving). To add to that I recently read a post over at loraleeslonneytunes about the short life of her precious baby Matthew. In this post Loralee discusses the day (and subsequent days after) her son passed away. There is a specific passage in her post that I can’t get out of my mind:
The day Matthew died was an ordinary Tuesday, except it was really, really busy. I ran a lot of errands and my parents came over to help me with fall cleaning. I still have the “To do do” list I planned for that day tucked away in a journal. Bleaching the grout in my shower was on there but “have your life shatter into a billion pieces because your baby will die today” was nowhere on it.
For a long time afterward, I would stand with water streaming over me in my shower and stare at that grout and feel grief that hours I could have spent with my son on the day he died were taken up cleaning that dingy grout in my shower with a Clorox bleach pen and a toothbrush.
It so wasn’t worth it.
Reading this reminded me, by kicking me square in the face, that life is short and that we just never know. And that yes, the grout and the dishes can wait.
So to the couple that showed up to “check out your house” this last Sunday and only gave us a two minute warning, sorry the bed wasn’t made and the kitchen floor hadn’t been swept.
I had better things to do.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Amen
My dishes are sitting in the sink right now and I have a load of laundry in the washer waiting to be switched, but I read a book to my 5 year old instead. My house may not be as clean as my friends, but my kids know I love them. I have just got really good at apologizing for the mess.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I love this post, and re-reading that excerpt from Loralee gave me tinglies.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
i’m crying now. Not particularly because your post was all that sad (though the post you quoted… whoa…) but because I recognize myself in your words. And right now my husband is gone for the next year and I find myself even more, doing laundry, cleaning floors, vacuuming, more laundry, cleaning bathrooms, etc… I don’t remember the last time I sat WITH my kids in their playroom and played with them. In fact, this last week I have told them they couldn’t play in there because I didn’t want it to get messed up. (cause I didn’t want to clean up after them). Its horrible. It’s a kind of sickness I would imagine. And your mom is so right, “you’re going to miss it” No chores tonight for me. Thanks. I needed to read this today.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Amen.
October 15th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
It is a really hard lesson to learn. Thanks for posting this, sweetie.
October 15th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
This post really made me think. In my husband’s family, only women do housework. Men literally do not lift one finger, even if it means there is six inches of mold in the shower. My husband’s mother, perhaps in a showof protest, is a terrible housekeeper. In one word, her home is FILTHY. To the point where I squat to use the toilet. I am the opposite. My mom raised me to think that chores come before play, and that having a tidy home is important. I recently blogged about this.
When I got married, I was convinced cleaning should be a group effort. In my husband’s defense, he was a quick study and will often clean more than I do since I am gone so much. I like for us to both clean up after dinner so it is done quicker and we can begin to relax together. I’ll admit being resentful when he heads to plop on the couch after I’ve cooked.
I tend to be really high strung and anal, and therefore I can’t relax and enjoy myself knowing there is a mess waiting. That being said, your friend’s words hit home. I am slowly trying to lighten up a bit, and work on the house little by little so that no major overhaul is necessary, and I can enjoy more of life’s little moments. Good for you for keeping things in perspective.
October 15th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
I just love this post. It is so true that you won’t remember the bathroom you cleaned (or you will, like your friend…so sad) when your kids are grown, but the times you played with them. I also need to apply this to the internet I surfed or the talking on the phone I did while I should have been playing & nurturing.
Thanks for this reminder! You look awesome in that picture, by the way.
October 16th, 2008 at 2:22 am
I loved President Monson’s talk in Conference. He said, “If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.” So dude, if the Prophet says having a slightly messy house is no big deal, then it’s no big deal. I’ve been a lot less stressed about it since that talk.
October 16th, 2008 at 10:08 am
wow! I really needed to read this today. Thank you so much!
October 16th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
It’s a good reminder, I need to tell myself this from time to time when I’m so frustrated about all the cleaning and errands that are never, ever finished. A friend of a friend doesn’t let herself go out unless all her “chores” are done. She stayed home from a party to dust her baseboards when I was visiting my friend, and that hit me kind of hard… what are you going to remember in a month, a good time with friends, or your clean baseboards?
What I am trying to say is: right on, dude.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I went & read Loralees post and my heart is in my throat. You are right on and I have been thinking about this recently. Work has been crazy and I find myself telling my girls “Hold on, just 5 more minutes” and realizing that isnt worth it and something has to give. I dont want to miss out on their lives and I dont want them growing up saying “you never had time to read or play games etc”
great post.
October 16th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Love this. Love, love, love it.
I’m the person that can never leave or hang up without saying “I love you”. Because you never ever know if it’s the last time you’ll be able to. I hate being so busy in my life right now because I feel like I’m not taking as much care with the time I have. I just can’t wait for school to be done.
Great post!
October 17th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
I read her post a while back and it hits home for me, a little too close.
I vacuumed at 10:30 last night. I’ll clean my bathroom while I’m getting ready in the morning. I multi-task and do a little at a time, that way I’m not overwhelmed. It doesn’t always work out that way, but sometimes I have Maddy help me. She likes to clean toilets, go figure.
October 17th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Reading things like that both terrifies me, and makes me feel so very blessed. Ironically, I wrote about this same issue myself not long ago as a result of another blog I saw, where the mother gave birth to a son who only lived for 16 minutes. I cannot even imagine what it must have been like for her or for Loralee. After reading both of those women’s stories, I have an entirely new perspective on how my time should be spent. Thank you so much for posting this. It made me cry and made me so eager to get home to my little guy.
And dude, I totally want a cupcake now!
October 20th, 2008 at 12:54 am
So very well stated Isabel and so darn true. Thank you for the reminder because I’m one of those Moms that needs a reminder every now and then to enjoy my kids and cherish the time I have to spend with them. Everything else CAN wait.
My kids and family are more important than a clean house. Way more important….
October 20th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I am always torn between cleaning my house and playing with the kids. I am trying to be better! Thanks for the reminder that things CAN wait!
October 20th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Nice post. It really made me cry (and think).