In which I try to not judge my grandma’s biography by its cover
Posted by Isabel on May 19th, 2009. Filed under: Back in the Day, They're just my family.My mom and I like to swap books with each other. When she came out to Seattle last month I sent her home with a pile of my books to read. I knew I’d be in Utah in a month and could pick up my books then. I wasn’t surprised when my mom had my books read and in a pile waiting for me when I went out to Utah last weekend.
“I have a book I want you to read,” she told me as I picked up the pile of my books to put in my suitcase.
“Will I like it?”
She told me she thought I would like it and ran into her bedroom to get the book for me.
I’m not one to judge a book by its cover, but this book was u-g-l-y. It was bright green with a yellow rose on it and looked like it has been printed at the local copy shop.
“Your dad’s sister wrote this book about their mom’s life.”
My heart stopped for a brief second.
My dad’s mom died of lung cancer before I was born. She left behind her nine kids. Five of the kids came to live with my newly married parents. I know nothing of life before my Grandma died. Heck, I really don’t know much about my dad’s life before he married my mom. It’s just always been understood that life was hard for him and that we didn’t talk about it. We knew my dad had always loved his mom and didn’t speak of his father. His father died a few years ago. I had never met the man. He died alone.
End of story.
Until this weekend when my mom handed me the ugly green book with a yellow rose on it.
Thanks to years of research, old journals, letters and interviews my aunt was able to write a biography about my dad’s mom. My grandma. A women I never met, in this life. A women whose picture I’ve only seen a few times.
As my mom handed me my grandma’s biography she offered some advice. “When you read this, make sure to remind yourself that this is your Grandma. Remind yourself that the little boy in this book is your Dad. Remember that this is real!” I excitedly grabbed the book from my mom and promised her that I would read it. I asked her if my dad had read it. She told me he had, but that it upset him.
I didn’t ask why.
I put the ugly green book in my suitcase, knowing that I didn’t want to start it while on my mini vacation. I knew it would be a heavy and emotional book to read. I knew I’d have to think about it a little before I started the book.
As soon as I sat down on the plane back to Seattle I pulled the green book out of my bag and started to read the back of the book.
What is it like to be married to a psychopath?
From out of the mists of memory comes a compelling story.
This is a story of one woman, yet that story of her womanhood is powerful enough to touch the hearts of men.
May social justice and mercy grow in the aftermath of all courageous open women.
**I sit here at my keyboard and think of how to explain what this book means to me. I am at a loss.**
This book is amazing. A-MA-ZING.
I haven’t finished the book, yet. In fact, my dad is only four in the book. I’ve got a lot of book left to read. So far my grandma is pregnant with number five of nine. They just barley got a phone and electricity. Still no running water or heat in their 100 year old house.
I truly can’t find the words to explain how it makes me feel to read about my grandma’s life. To read about my dad, a baby, being attacked by a dog or my grandma being worried about the snakes getting her babies.
I knew my dad was raised in the back hills, but this book in intense.
I kid you not when I saw that I’m not even half way through the book and already there has been infidelity, child molestation, AND EVEN MURDER.
For reals, people!
My grandma lived a miserable existence and tried her best to make the most of it. No wonder my dad loved her so much.
I love her to.
And I wonder if she is watching over me. And I wonder if she knows me and loves me. I wonder what she thinks of me and my own little family. My life is a cake walk compared to her life. While I complain about having to clean my four bathrooms, this woman built an outhouse for her little family and fed them food they found in the garbage.
As soon as I’m done with this book I’m pretty sure I’ll be making a phone call to my aunt who wrote it. I haven’t talked to this aunt in twenty years. But I want to thank her for writing this book and allowing me a small glimpse into the life of my grandma.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
I’m delurking to say that is an amazing story. How lucky you are to have that book!
May 19th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Wow- how incredible to be able to have a glimpse into your grandmother’s life. She sounds like she was an amazing woman.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
What an incredible way for you to reconnect with your grandmother. My grandfather kept a journal from a time when he was a fire watchman in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. His words are so unabashedly him that it makes my heart ache in the best of ways whenever I read them. It’s like I’m hearing him talk to me again.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
That is so nice that you have this book to learn about your grandma and to learn about your Dad’s childhood. I am in a similar situation where my grandma passed away (cancer) when my Dad was 20. My mother didn’t even get to meet her. My Dad’s Dad (my grandpa) never talked about much of anything. He just passed away earlier this year. I’d visited him numerous times in my lifetime but I honestly couldn’t say that I knew him. He kept to himself. I would love to read a book about my Dad’s childhood and my grandma’s life (she raised 4 kids and lost one as an infant).
May 19th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Wow. W.O.W. I have goosebumps all over right now. What a remarkable woman.
My aunt published a biography on my grandpa, and I purchased it–in hardback–over a year ago….and have yet to crack it open. And I know exactly what I am going to do tonight.
Again, wow.
xox
May 19th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
How lucky you must feel to have this story in your hands – and to be able to share it with Babboo in the future.
Also, I’m coming out of the woodwork to say the resemblance between you and your grandmother is amazing! The face…the smile…wow!
May 19th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
I think Wow is the word of the day, but really WOW! I am sure she not only knows who you are and is very proud of you but also I’m sure she feels all her sacrifice is worth it so you could live a better life. She sounds amazing, and the kind of woman we all need to read about. Thanks for sharing!
May 19th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
That is so awesome. She sounds like a remarkable person. I hope you enjoy getting to know her.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
That’s awesome! I would love to read a book about my Grandpa to who died before I was born too.
May I say, I see a bit of family resemblance between you and your Grandma!
May 19th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
This is amazing! I never knew my maternal grandparents and I would love to have the opportunity to read about their life.
And I want to say that you really look like your Grandma
May 19th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
What a great gift your aunt gave the family (even if it is a difficult story to read…) My mom kept journals from when she was in a college until she was too ill to write and I’m not quite at the point of being able to read through them. But I look forward to it… and I faithfully keep writing in my journals (going on six years now) in the hopes they will someday give my family an idea of who I was and am.
May 20th, 2009 at 12:21 am
Oh how i wish I had a book about my grandmothers, too. This IS an amazing gift!
May 20th, 2009 at 12:28 am
You look SO much like your grandmother. I’m sure you are proud to look like such a strong and amazing lady
May 20th, 2009 at 12:38 am
What a cool cool gift. You are very lucky!
May 20th, 2009 at 12:51 am
What a gift!
May 25th, 2009 at 2:11 am
That is amazing…what a gift to be able to read it. Also, you look like your grandmother!
May 28th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Yep you and grandma look a LOT alike!! Very cool. What an amazing thing it is to have such a story to have about one’s family. My aunt wrote something about ten years ago along these lines and it also resulted in some hurt and angry feelings, but I loved it, even knowing that this was only one person’s version of events. Just getting a glimpse into the past was fascinating.
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Wow Isabel, what an amazing story. And wow! You look a lot like your grandmother. I wish I had a story like this about my family – so much I don’t know, so much I wish I did know.
This is something you’ll cherish forever, I know I would.
June 4th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
[...] reading my Grandma’s biography a few weeks ago I have a whole new respect for my father. My Dad isn’t a billionaire or a world [...]