In which we’re cured
Posted by Isabel on July 30th, 2009. Filed under: The King.The King and I celebrated our return from our month in Europe last September by signing up for marriage counseling.
We had just spent the previous three years leading different lives. He was working during the day and building us a new house on the nights and weekends. I was also working during the day and raising our child during the nights and weekends. I was also taking care of everything else; cleaning, laundry, cooking, and keeping up with church and social engagements.
After these three years apart, we spent an entire month with each other, every single second of the day. We were in foreign countries, so we could only talk to each other (and our two year old).
For a month.
We’ve meet with our marriage therapist every week since then. Four sessions a month for ten months equals a lot of time on the couch. At our first session she sort of smiled and told us that we would be just fine. She said she wished most of her patients were as “easy” as we were going to be. She assured us our “problems” were easy to fix.
I admit those first few months of therapy were met with a lot of skepticism on my part. Not for any reason other then I AM HARDHEADED. The King was so positive and excited about therapy. He was working his butt off on making me happy.
I was not.
Eventually I warmed up to the situation and got brave enough to ask for help. Help that I should have asked for back in my teenage years. During this time I found some medication that helped me feel “normal”, as well as learning how to communicate better with my husband.
Over these last ten months our therapist has helped remind The King and me how much we love each other and the little family that we’ve created. She’s helped me work through my previous divorce, my eating disorders, my miscarriages, and my many years of suffering with debilitating depression. She did this all with an open mind and heart.
While this woman isn’t a member of our church, she is also a Christian and she was able to work the Lord into the equation of us getting better. The King and I both appreciated this very much. She reminded us to put God first, to pray together, and separately, and to read our scriptures.
Last Monday The King and I met in her office, like we had every week before. Our therapist asked what was new and how we were doing. I looked over at The King and thought to myself that I had nothing to complain about in the session. I usually arrived with a list of things I wanted to bitch about. Not this time.
At the end of the session, like always, I got out my planner to write down the next week’s appointment.
“I don’t think I need to see you guys anymore.”
“What? That’s it? We’re done?”
“Yes, you’ve both made impressive improvements and I think you’re cured.”
“We’re ‘cured’?”
“Yes.”
That’s right; our therapist told us that we are cured. True, we’ll be going back to see her in a few months, just to “check in”. But yeah, cured.
This makes me feel better then I did when I graduated from high school. I know how hard I’ve work at this. I’ve seen how hard The King’s worked at it also. I’ve seen the improvements in both of us. Of course this doesn’t mean our marriage is perfect and that we’ll never have to work on it again. It just means that now we’ve learned some tools to better equip ourselves to at being in an adult married relationship.
King, I love you. I know that all you do is out of love for me and our Sweet Babboo. And I appreciate it.
July 30th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Wow – what a wonderful post!! I am so glad to hear you guys have gotten so much out of your sessions with the therapist! I had no idea you’d had eating disorders (I suffered from a phobia which in turn affected my eating and boy don’t I know how much that can affect your life, even when you have made such a huge start on dealing with it… so I am especially glad to read you got to talk through things like that, your depression, divorce, miscariages as well!) I can’t imagine having had to deal with all of that, I hope that you’ve managed to heal so many things that may have still been causing you to hurt. How wonderful that you managed to find a therapist who could bring God into the equation for you – what better therapy is there than turning to God? Oh I am just so chuffed for you both. xx
July 30th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Congrats- I’m so glad you found a good counselor and that it all went so well. You need to celebrate!
July 30th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
This might possibly have made me tear up a little. I’m so glad you’re happy.
July 31st, 2009 at 12:03 am
That’s very exciting! Congratulations on your “graduation!”
July 31st, 2009 at 12:08 am
what a great post and what a great testament to your committment to each other!
July 31st, 2009 at 4:01 am
Ok, that is a GOOD THERAPIST. To tell you you’re cured. And not keep you on the couch for another 20 years. (Like my mom’s therapist. TWENTY YEARS OF THERAPY. That sounds like a Woody Allen movie. But no, it’s real.) I’m glad you’re “cured”. I’m glad it worked. I’m SO SO SO glad you’re both happy.
July 31st, 2009 at 4:17 am
Awww Isabel. This post gave me the warm fuzzies. I am glad you are cured! Here’s to many, many, many more years of happiness!
July 31st, 2009 at 9:28 am
It feels really good to read such a great post! I’m very happy to know that you are happy with The King
Congrats on making it to the end of the therapy!
July 31st, 2009 at 1:38 pm
It’s refreshing to read this! Yay for you both!
July 31st, 2009 at 1:38 pm
This makes me so so so happy! I really just want to give a big hug to you and your family.
July 31st, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I am so proud of you and The King! I have happy goose-pimples all over right now. This is truly the best post I’ve read all day.
Love and hugs!
xox
July 31st, 2009 at 4:39 pm
A good therapist is hard to find and worth their weight in gold. I am so glad to here things are better. Marriage is such hard work sometimes.
July 31st, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Congratulations on your “graduation!” I’m so glad you guys are doing well!
July 31st, 2009 at 8:19 pm
I love this post. It’s really touched me on a personal level, since I’m going through some hardships in my own relationship. Thanks for being so willing to share. Wish everyone had the strength to do whatever it takes to work on the things that are worth it.
July 31st, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Wow, you have no idea how I needed to read something so wonderful right now. I hope we grow up to be you two!
July 31st, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Seriously close to crying here. It makes me happy for you both.
Sometimes I think it takes a few years of hard times to get to the good times. I never knew I could be as happy as I am right now, and that is saying something.
I love, love that you are doing so well!!!
July 31st, 2009 at 11:06 pm
I’m really touched by your honesty and openness. I am very happy for you two!
August 1st, 2009 at 12:13 am
good for you. i’ve been feeling like my husband and i need a tune-up too, but i haven’t had the courage to actually make an appointment, for fear of what we might dig up in there. you’ve inspired me. so, thanks.
August 3rd, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Congratulations!
August 5th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Fantastic! I’m so happy for you and glad that all the hard work paid off!
August 6th, 2009 at 1:58 am
I so appreciate your honesty about going to marriage counseling. Really, I’m sure all married couples could benefit from it, but not everyone is brave enough to make the first step. So happy that it turned out to be a positive experience for you and The King!
August 11th, 2009 at 1:19 am
Way to go, Mr. and Mrs. The King.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
I am so happy for you guys. I think pretty much any couple can benefit from therapy. (We’ve gone before. But I’ve been going for about a year now by myself because my husband refuses to go.)
I too had a list of things that bothered me. He didn’t like hearing things like, “you spend too much time at work,” or “I feel completely alone in raising our son, which is NOT what I signed up for.” And he also didn’t like the therapist saying, “yes. You DO work too much. You DO need to be home more.” And then the therapist told him he needed to “grow up.” (Oh YES SHE DID!) And that was the last time he saw her.
I admire you both for going and I admire YOU for working through so much. Its a wonderful gift to you and your family.
November 17th, 2009 at 4:05 am
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