In which “The Tired” ruled my life
Posted by Isabel on November 17th, 2009. Filed under: Me, Work.Talking to my therapist last week about my work issues and how to deal with said work issues, she suggested I open up to them and share the fact that The King and I are in marriage therapy. (Yes, we’re back to weekly marriage therapy. Apparently we weren’t as cured as we originally thought.) The therapist suggested this as a way to get my coworkers to sort of leave me alone when we’re on these new week long trips. During the five days I’m on these work trips, we spend a lot of time in the car driving. And dude, that much time in a car with anyone is too much.
The therapist thinks, and is probably right, that acting like I want to talk to them about therapy will make them so uncomfortable they’ll leave me alone. Thing is, I don’t really want to open up to my coworkers in that way (says the girls who is posting this ON THE INTERNET FOR ANYONE TO READ).
During today’s drive the conversation quickly turned to work talk and borningness and blah, blah, blah.
I kept thinking of ways to introduce my weekly therapy sessions; “can we stop for a bathroom break, my marriage therapist says I should empty my bladder every 3 hours.” Or maybe “I hope our hotel is nice. My marriage therapist says I should always get a good nights sleep.”
Naturally it didn’t come up. And, to be honest, I’m confident that it won’t come up this week.
Speaking of therapy, I’ve mentioned before that I started taking medication this year. I’m thirty four years old and this was the first time I was open to them. I’ve been wanting to blog about this for a while, but in all honesty I knew there wouldn’t be any words to describe how I feel now. Here’s the thing, my drugs aren’t really drugs at all. I’m on a new pill that is really just a super duper high dose of some very specific vitamins that my body doesn’t produce. Apparently it was recently discovered that this vitamin deficiency causes some very real problems that I’ve suffered with my entire life.
For thirty three years I was tired. And when I say “tired”, I don’t mean what you’re thinking. I was TIRED. I woke up in the morning and thought about how long it would be until I get take a nap. When I got home from work I thought about how I could get through dinner and chores and family time so I could go to bed. When The King would suggest we take a hike as a family I would think about how I could get out of it and just take a damn nap already.
I was TIRED.
And nobody understood how I felt. And I didn’t understand how nobody understood. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t like everyone else. I just assumed I felt like everyone else and for some reason they could just fight the tiredness better then I could. When I’m pregnant, I’m even more tired. I’m pregnant a lot, it seems.
When I played volleyball in high school I struggled through afternoon practices. It was hard for me to keep my eyes open. I didn’t understand how the girls on my team were so excited to be at practice. I just wanted to take a nap. Same thing when I ran track. As I got older my friends weren’t very nice about the fact that I was tired all the time and a huge stick in the mud. I never wanted to stay out as late as my girlfriends did. I never wanted to do anything too active.
While it seemed that none of my friends understood, my family did. I figured I wasn’t so weird, since I knew my family understood my tiredness. My dad and mom were always taking naps and talking about how tired they were. And dude, my sister could sleep 23 hours a day, if allowed. Watching my family and seeing how they lived justified to me that we were normal.
I was diagnosed with my disorder years ago. My parents were tested shortly after and found out they have the same disorder. My sister was then tested, and guess what, she’s got it too. My brothers haven’t been tested, but since it’s genetic and both of our parents have it…there is a pretty good chance both brothers do to. I was so excited when I found out about this new drug. About four days after first taking the pills, I quit taking naps. I quit feeling like crap ALL THE TIME. I wanted to go on hikes. I wanted to take walks and go to the park and not sit still all the time.
I called my mom and told her all about it. I told her about feeling like a “normal” person must feel like. I told her how amazing I felt. I wanted to scream and laugh and cry at the same time. I wanted my family to be able to feel as good as I did.
This was this last summer. None of them have called their doctors to get a prescription. My dad doesn’t think thats why he’s so tired. He just thinks he’s tired. My sister can’t seem to find the $1 a day it takes to pay for these pills, since insurance won’t pay for it. And my mom, we”ll she is just worried about my dad. Every time I get an e-mail from my sister she talks about how tired she is at work that day. Every Saturday when I call her to chat, she’s taking a nap. I wish I could just shake her and make her understand how good I feel.
I feel like I wasted so many years of my life not being able to feel “normal”. There is so much more I could have and would have done with my life if I would have just felt better. While The King can’t feel how I feel, I wish he could. Then he might be able to understand how great I feel. I don’t think most people would be able to tell a difference with me, but to me I feel like I have an entirely new body.
My brain is still a little messed up. But man, my body feels great.
Yeah, I’m not bringing any of this up with my coworker this week.
November 17th, 2009 at 4:21 am
I am so happy you found something that can make you feel so much better! It’s hard to even fathom how much something like that effects you until it’s gone and you remember what normal feels like.
I complain about my lonely business travel sometimes, but traveling alone is SO much better than traveling with someone you don’t really, really like. Hope it’s over quick.
November 17th, 2009 at 6:43 am
I, too, am happy you have found something to help with the exhaustion you used to have to live with. With my endo, I am exhausted a lot of the time (struggle to wake up and just want to crawl back in to bed, fall asleep on the bus to work, those kinds of things) and although I haven’t lived with it as long or as much as you did, I know how hard it can be to deal with in a world where everybody seems to just keep on going… so I am just over the mon for you that you have energy to enjoy life now!
November 17th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Wow. What a relief and a joy and sorrow, even, to realize that how you feel right now is how you should have felt all those years. I hope that your family will take steps to get help, too. Now that you understand the difference, it must be difficult to watch them suffer needlessly.
And good luck with the marriage therapy. I don’t know if any of us will ever be cured of our issues, and learning to deal with them in a marriage is some tough work. I know.
November 17th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Any chance you want to share what this anti-TIRED vitamin is, cause I totally want to self-prescribe myself some of it. I am always in awe of people who are not tired (hmmm maybe if I exercised and slept more….?).
Good luck with all that work travel – it is NOT easy. xoxo
November 17th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Well even if you don’t share it with work people, I’m glad you shared it with us! The work situation definitely sucks, but at least you’re feeling better.
November 17th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
My mom went through a similar transformation when she found out she had pernicious anemia (a type of B12 deficiency). It seems to have a genetic component, so my doctor usually checks my sister and me for it. It’s amazing what a difference vitamins can make.
November 17th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
I think you are so strong for admitting all these things on The Internetz and for staying so upbeat about the whole thing.
Good luck this week.
xox
November 17th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Yes, yes, any chance you want to share even privately. What you are describing makes TOTAL SENSE to me, because I’m the same way. And so is my sister. And our Dad. I wake up in the morning and think, “Okay, I have to do this and that and then I can lay down? yes?” I can sleep 6, or 7, or 8, or 9, or 10 hours (I’ve run the gamut in testing it out) and I’m still freaking tired all the time. Now I’m pregnant and I can barely stand through a one hour lecture before slumping in my office trying to stay awake.
November 17th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
I’m so happy for you that you’ve found something that makes you feel better, that sounds like a terrible feeling! And I can totally understand how disappointing it must be that your family members aren’t willing to give something a try that might really help them!
November 17th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
I’m so glad you aren’t tired all the time anymore. My solution was triple shot espresso in the morning, but perhaps I should just take some of your vitamins. They are probably better for me.
November 17th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Wow, I am so happy you’re feeling better. I can’t even imagine what a difference that must be.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:40 am
I was wondering what it is too. But I love to sleep. I sleep a lot. I nap a lot. I sleep all day on my days off work. I’ve been wondering if I’m sick, or if my anti-depressants need to be adjusted, or if I’m just plain LAZY. Would be interesting to know if there’s a pill that can make such a difference for me too.
November 18th, 2009 at 2:58 am
I absolutely understand how you felt being tired all the time. It’s very hard to get through the day when you are so tired. I feel like I can never get enough sleep. I have a sleep disorder and unfortunately I haven’t found anything effective to treat it. I’m also curious what exactly you are taking.
November 18th, 2009 at 3:09 am
I’m a.l.w.a.y.s. tired, but I’m pretty sure it has to do with being over worked (school, teaching, AND working), under paid, and SUPER stressed all the time. I couldn’t imagine having felt that all my life though. Glad you found something to make it better.
I revel in the fact that really soon (5 months!!!) I will too. For me, it’s called Graduation.
November 18th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Thanks for sharing all of that! As a couple of other people said as well, I’m wondering whether you’d be willing to share which vitamin deficiency you have? While I’m not sure that I’m quite as tired as you describe, I do often find myself sending my husband and kids out of the house to do fun stuff on their own so that I can take a nap–it’s kind of a waste of the limited family time we all have together! I also attributed it to laziness but maybe there is actually something more to it.
In any case, I’m glad to hear that you are feeling more energetic!
November 18th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
would love to know what you’re taking because my husband is like this…counting the hours to his next sleep. I’m not sure how to suggest vaguely he get checked out, but an actual idea would be so good. Message me if you wouldn’t mind.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I am SO glad you posted this. I have been tired my ENTIRE LIFE and was shaking my head in agreement at all your symptoms. My husband calls me a “party pooper” cause I’d rather take a nap than go for a walk/hike/do anything that requires activity, and that’s how I’ve always been. My brother is the same way, as well as my sister. Looks like I need to go get some blood work done! Do you mind sharing? (in a private message, of course.)
November 18th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Wow, this is a great, great post. I feel like you are talking about me. I’m sitting at my desk just thinking about what time I can go to bed tonight and not feel like a dork…trust me, I’d take a nap right now under my desk if I could. I know everyone has asked, but can you share what this miracle vitamin/supplement is?
November 18th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
I’d really be interested in the vitamin supplements you take if you would share. Glad to hear this is working so well for you – good luck with therapy. You are both so smart to realize the benefit of a good couple’s therapist!
November 18th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I never thought you were exaggerating when you said you were tired, BTW. But if we’d been friends in my dancin’ days, I would have been pissed at your lack of enthusiasm for repetitive over the top techno. COME ON ISABEL, this music is so RAD!!!
November 18th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Oh I’m so happy for you. Can you email me your disorder? Just think it’s interesting and good to know. Thank you so much for sharing, and I hope your family talks to their doctors soon. Life’s too short to feel that way all the way.
November 19th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Since the husband has been sick (February) one of his major issues has been sleep. He can get 10 hours a nite and not feel rested. That has really been the only one constant issue the entire time. It is so damn frustratiing, as a spouse, to have your best friend never feeling lively. Not frustrating towards him, I mean, frustrated for him that there is nothing I can do to make him feel better. He has cut out caffeine, put it back in, drank only water and milk, slept more, slept less and NOTHING has helped.
If your tired is anything like his, that is AWESOME! YAY! But boo for your family and their stubborness.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:30 am
Hi! I am delurking to say that I’d really appreciate if you’d share or email me with what “The Tired” turned out to be. Everything you described sounds like my life! I wake up in the morning, even with a lot of sleep, wondering when I can take a nap. I’m glad you’re feeling better and I really enjoy your writing.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Good for you! I’m glad you got what you needed.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Hi Isabel… same as everyone else, would you pretty please tell me what your disorder is / what vitamins you are taking? Totally understand if you don’t want to, but had to ask
November 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
I’m sorry to hear that work is sucktastic. That seems to be the case for many people these days and though it certainly doesn’t help at least you are in good company.
It is brave to talk about marriage counseling, if nothing else because there is still a stigma attached to it and there shouldn’t be. We aren’t really raised or taught how to function in relationships or how to observe and handle our emotions. Therapy, if you get a good therapist, is a beneficial tool that helps us become better people. I’m proud that you shared with us and clearly you have much support.
As for the tired I see many requests for you to share what supplement helped you. That may be too private but clearly the internet, and the world, is always on the look out for help with exhaustion
Hang in there. The new blog format is fab.
November 23rd, 2009 at 5:00 am
Please, please tell me about this disorder and whatever vitamin you’re taking! I’m DOG tired all the time. I could sleep 10 hours at night and still take a nap or two during the day. My husband thinks I sleep my life away but this is how I’ve been for as long as I can remember. I’d really like to know the details.
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Yeah I’m with a bunch of your readers, if you care to share what disorder / vitamin defiancy you have I’d love to know. I fight THE TIRED all the time.
Oh, and by the way? I LOVE your new design.
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Can I guess? Vitamin D deficiency! And if so, don’t we live in the worst area ever for this! I’m glad to hear you got tested and there is an actual treatment. I’m sure I don’t actually have a deficiency, but I do like to hit the tanning bed every once in awhile during the fall/winter/spring before summer hits and we get to live in THE most beautiful place on earth.
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Therapy is awesome. I think you and The King are total heroes for being brave and working on your marriage rather than settling for a situation that isn’t quite right.
However, I would be hesitant to tell my co-workers I was in therapy. Especially in a male dominated environment. If you want/need space during all this traveling, just tell your travel partner that’s what you want. They’re guys, right? They’ll probably be relieved not to have to talk.
I too love the new design. It rocks!
November 24th, 2009 at 5:33 am
You are always so honest with your readers about the challenges you face. Thank you for that. And I’m SO GLAD you’re feeling better.
December 29th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Can you please tell me what the vitamin deficiency is? Or what the pills are that make you feel so much better. My husband is always tired and I am willing to look at any new options!
January 7th, 2010 at 3:06 am
So…I always read and I’ve commented occasionally however I too want to know what the deficiency is (PUHLEASE)…now that you’ve talked about it twice it’s sparked my interest. I feel like the majority of those who’ve commented. Even my pocket Edward would tell you he’s tired of me being tired. haha.